Christmas with all the trimmings.

This year has kind of got away on me.

I've done alot, changed things, grown a bit, learnt  more about myself and have made some decisions.

I've got a bit more relaxed.  Yes, just a little.  And that brings me to this posts title.  

Christmas with all the trimmings has something I've always done.  I tend to go all out and this year......not so much.  Don't get me wrong the kids and I have put Christmas decorations up all over the place.  We've sung songs, read Christmas stories and talked alot about the meaning of Christmas.  In the past everything has needed to be perfect.  Handmade this, that and the other.  Biscuit tins brimming with yummy bits.  And that's were I've changed.

There has been no need to bake, make and wear myself out. 

The whole idea of Christmas is friends and family.  Spending time with the kids, and not stressing.  I like this concept. 

If I can take stock of this feeling and keep in it check, 2013 will be a great year.

I see that I'm getting close to 2000 page views......and that's really kinda cool!  So to those of you who check in with me, read about what's been happening I'd like to wish you a safe and Happy Christmas.  May 2013 bring you much happiness, a little less stress and a lot more Fun!

With love

Jane

Disappointments.

It's been a long week.  And not for bad reasons, well....... much.

My wee man has been sick.  And I know he's sick as he's not himself.  The good thing about having him about was doing things with him.  And I've enjoyed that.

The problem lies with that I wasn't feeling the best either.

But I'm on the mend so really, I should stop whinging and move on.

However I can't help feel disappointed this week.

There is no extact thing just a number of small things - lunches - not had, expectations - not met; achievements - not acknowledged; pressure - for no reason; and perhaps my inability in speaking my mind. 

Some of you know me very well, and know I don't mind revving up when required.  It's when it shouldn't be required that bothers me.

However in saying that I can't let disappointment knock me.  I have to over come it and keep going.  If this year has taught me anything it's that I need to prioritise what's important to me.  Days of accommodating everyone and suffering as a result are gone.  Sometimes easier said than done, but it's what I'm trying for.

The Farmer is my rock, even though he's been out every night this week, and quite frankly I need to tell him more often how important he is to me.

My kids, although sometimes frustrating, can shine as bright as any star with their thoughtfulness and love.  Master almost 8 sat down and made Christmas cards for his entire family today. Miss almost 5 who is fiercely independent told me she was very sad when left alone for 5 minutes (incidentally that was left alone for 5 minutes in her room for being a monkey!). 

I guess that my disappointment is something I have let get under my skin.  And perhaps if I had been 100% I wouldn't have let it.

Still the mere fact I can acknowledge it and push it aside shows I have learnt a thing or two this year!

Hello...is anyone still reading?!

Hi....miss me?  I've been......holiday, abducted by aliens, meet Johnny Depp...married him....having his babies.....sigh....no I've just been busy!

It's not that I have forgotten about blogging, in fact many a blog has been written in my head while driving, cooking or lying in bed while I'm still awake when I should be fast asleep. 

I started on the other day about the transition I'm having as my baby girl gets ready for school.  About the way it makes me think of how much we have achieved, grown, stages past and things to come.

I thought about telling you about being on a shortlist for a wee photo competition and how that was pretty exciting, for all of two minutes.

I was contemplating talking about the art of saying NO, which I am terrible at so it would have been a short post.

I could have gone on about how great it is to have friends that always seems to make you smile,when your feeling flat, have a headache or just to bitch too.

There was the blog entry in my head about trying to make things fun when there are not, create a memory with your kids and show them who you are other than just a Mum.

I'm not going to talk about any of these.

Being busy for me is almost a life choice, and I think that I will always be that way....it's who I am.  But taking photos of me is my way of enjoying the moment.  And when I share my photos whether its on here, or Facebook or just emailing them to the people I took them of, I'm trying to share the beauty I see.  The joy on a face, the light playing on the landscape.....the moment. 

I'm just going to challenge you to find something beautiful in your day. I'm not necessarily talking about a magic sunset just something simple. A child asleep quietly snoring, a bee on a flower, a cool breeze on a hot day. Find something beautiful and then enjoy it. For just a moment. 

This was my moment yesterday. 

What's yours?

Leap of faith

So I've just done my first 'proper' photography event/shoot - whatever you'd like to call it.

How did it go? 

Hmmmm well, a few extremely anxious days, teeny tiny bit of stress, a whole lots of photos, sore shoulders and I would say that it went okay.

Could I have done better?  Highly likely.  However I figure that you have learn from everything, good and bad.  And it was mainly good.

I'm certainly not raving about how fantastic I am.  I have yet to get the photos to the "client" and they might not be up to scratch.  So who knows!  Lets just watch this space'.

But I guess the reason I thought it was important to blog about it is that I was totally out of my comfort zone.  I like taking photos.  I take lots of my children, landscapes, nieces and nephews.  Of other peoples kids at parties.  Family functions.  And I enjoy it.  I am learning.  While juggling everything else I have tried to do more with it but my timing is a bit off.  It doesn't bother me though.  I know I can take my time and keep on going.

The reason I got so out of my depth though, was someone elses faith in my ability.  And probably if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have done it.  And I have to say, it's a pretty cool feeling when someone else thinks you'd do okay......even if secretly you think you won't!  So if nothing else it's worth a Thank you! (Thank you K and AW!!)

Who knows what will come of this.  Possibly nothing.  I'm not sure if I'm ready for anything else right now.  But what I do know, what I have learned from this is that being out of my comfort zone, being pushed to try something new and taking a mammoth leap of faith is that I am up for a challenge.  And that has given me a great sense of confidence. 

Hanging out with the "cool" crowd

I'm not a "cool" person.  I'm me. 

I don't fit in a certain group.  I'm just me.

I'm not in to choosing friends because of where they are in the social climbing ladder, what car they drive, where they live or how much money they earn.  I choose friends because I like to hang out with them.  They are fun to be with, supportive, kind, funny and we have a mutual respect and understanding for one another.

I recently had the 'privilage' of attending an event that I thought I should go to, even though I wasn't all that fussed about it.  My sense of obligation got the better of me and so I went. 

I think I knew I was out of my depth but stay anyway (wine made me brave).......but I learnt a number of things which I thought I would share.

Firstly if it doesn't sit right with you, you think you'd rather stay home and cut your toe nails, you probably should.  No point putting yourself out there for something that's not enjoyable.

Don't get caught up in other peoples egos.  While at this event I could see things unfold that I had to laugh at.  The whole social agenda, two faced, who's who nonsense is all about ego and it's rather amusing.  Why would you want to get involved in that?

Be yourself.  Yep it's an age old saying but it's true.  People like you for you.  I don't drive the flashest car but my friends are happy to be seen driving in it with me not because of the car because we are together, going somewhere and are likely to be laughing!

For some people life is a show.  It's a series of acts to wow people.  And we all know how flaky some actors are (expect johnny Depp).  Enough said.

I know that while I can smile and do and say the right things to get by I'm not like that.  I don't want to be.  In some respects it felt like going back to high school.  But you know what?  I'm older and wiser than back then.  I'm not buying into that.

In a way it was a good reminder.  Be who you are not who you think you should be.  I'm just me.

Thank Goodness for holidays!

I'm seriously looking forward to the school holidays.

I'm armed with some crafty projects, baking ideas, play dates and chill out time with the kids.  Can't wait.  And it's not just about the down time with kids, its the down time for me.

I love the idea of not having to rush out the door.  To race about with school lunches, schedules, homework and cramming in tea prep and washing all before 8am.

In fact holidays for me are crazy fun.  Like for instance, PJ day.  A actual day were you can wear PJ's all day.....thank goodness we live rurally and don't get any door to door salespeople.  There is back to front day.....breakfast at dinner time, clothes inside out and sometimes back to front!  There are huts to be made, bikes ridden, food to bake and picnic lunches to be had.....whatever the weather.

I need to have some days with the kids, and yes there are jobs to do, and supermarkets to visit but it's more relaxing, somewhat easier and can be more fun - especially if you make it that way.

I feel of late that my fun levels are almost depleted.   I'd lost my spark.  My emotional gauge was sitting on empty and has taken alot of filling.  And I'm blessed with people who have helped me do that.  Including my exceptional husband, the Farmer, and my children. 

Today they reminded me about fun.  They were the adults at tea time and we were the kids.  We usually sit down at tea and discuss what we liked about today and what sucked.  Both kids got right into their roles as Mum and Dad......and when I thanked "Mum" for desert, "Dad" replied "What about thanking me, I work to get money for the food"....The Farmers face lit up and he grinned like the cat that got the cream! 

It's a timely reminder to keep having fun, there will come a time when the last thing the kids are going to want to do in the holidays is hang out with me, so I'd better clock up some Fun times now!

Why alcohol is not a good plaster.

Today we said goodbye to my Uncle Colin.

I was as mentally prepared as I would ever be for this.  But to see my Dad, my strong, manly father lose himself to grief very well broke my heart. 

As normal for most emotional events there was a lovely spread of food and beverages.  I choose beverages.  The brown and bubbly sort.  I felt that I could deal with things better with a beer in hand.

But as the day grew on, I felt more and more lost to my feelings of grief.  Possibly beyond my Uncle.  Closer to home even.  And it didn't matter much I tried to cover with a reassuring smile or how hard I laughed or the 2nd glass of wine, I haven't been able to shake this feeling.

I know what it is, this grief thing.  I feel it.  And I let myself be taken by it.  But I don't think you stop thinking about the what the 'what if's'.

Certainly today I realise I can't cover it.  I certainly can't mask it.  And alcohol isn't a plaster for it. 

I have to feel it.  And that's okay.  I'm sad.  For lots of reasons.  I'm sad for my Dad.  He's lost his brother.  I'm sad for our family.  I'm sad for me because no one lives forever, and that in itself put it in perspective.

The thing that cheers me no end is that tomorrow is another day.  That my children still need their Mum and that's my job.  To be there for them and keep going.

Doing stuff you'd rather not do.

There are things you have to do in life, that quite frankly suck.

I could list a number of examples but today is really just about one. 

My Dad's oldest brother, is dying of Cancer.  Of all my Uncles he is probably the one I feel I know the least, probably due to the age gap of Dad and him.  Mum and Dad told me he had lost alot of weight and a huge part of me didn't want to see him because I wanted to remember him for the guff, big man that I know him as.

However Mum and Dad are away and they really wanted my sister and I to go and see him.  I had been mentally bracing myself and finally the day arrived. 

The Uncle that I know is still there....just tucked away.  I saw glimpses of his humor, his guff way and no nonsense manner.  In and out of knowing whats going on, we were able to have a conversation of sorts.  I tend to waffle at the best of times but today I wanted to fill the room with my random thoughts, stories and take away some of the indignity of being ill. 

The flowers I took did so little to cheer the room and you wonder that from a life full of things, a home full of memories how you can end up in a small room waiting to die.  I really hated the idea of him being alone in there.  I know he'll have visitors on and off but with day time TV on, not moving from bed and not wanting to eat or drink company is probably all he wants.  In saying that perhaps he doesn't.  Maybe that's me just projecting my concern on to the situation.

Grief is a such a personal thing and perhaps I didn't want to see him, because then it's not real.  But it is and I'm devasted about it.  Possibly as it's a reality check.  Age and illness catches up with everyone.  No one lives forever.

I didn't want to go today.  But you do things because you need to.  I did need to do this.  I hope I have more empathy, more love, more compassion because of it.  I hope that peace comes to my Uncle.  For him to know that he is loved, will always be loved, that as a family we will do our best to look after my Aunty and all the family he leaves behind.

I hope after reading this that you tell people that you know and care for, that you love them.  It's important they know. 

'It hurts like hell'

My boy, all seven and a half years of him, fell out of tree today. 

"Mum I was up 2 foot or 3 foot high.......and the knot in the rope wasn't very good......I fell on my back.....and my tummy hurt......and I think I hurt my foot, it looks swollen.......and it hurts like hell'

Of course I restrained my giggle at the last comment and gave lots of Motherly concern instead.

As much as I'd like to prevent all falls, scrapes, hurt and loss of blood I know that I can't.  Well I could but it wouldn't make him the person he is.  Long term all of those things add character.  They brace you for the world at large. 

And although I fear for his wee body if he decides to play tackle rugby next year, it is the next step for him, I know to prevent him from doing it will only cause more hurt....and possibly alot of Mummy resentment!

The hardest thing about parenthood is the letting go.  Knowing when to hold them close, praise and support them and when to let them learn from their mistakes, try....fail and try again.  The more I watch my boy grow up, the more I know he's ready for a bit more space. 

Mum loves you Master 7 and a half

xoxox

(incidentally this was not taken today!!)

Setting the bar high - 5 things you should know

It's incredibly important to have some goals in life.  Something to strive for.  A dream, idea or a wish. 

I am a planner.  I like to know where I'm going, and what I'm doing....... and what the outcome will be.

Yes, I'm one of 'those' people.

I also, rightly or wrongly, set my standards high.  By keeping the bar high I feel like I'm always being the best I can be.  But here are some things you should know about that........

1. Having the bar set high means your always reaching to be really good at whatever you do.  I would call this personality building.

2. It some times means that your view on the world and others view on the world is different.  Obviously their view is wrong......

3. Sometimes going for that really high bar means you get a hell of sore neck looking up at it all the time.  Make sure your medical insurance is up to date.

4.  While going for that bar you sometimes need assistance.  It takes a humble person to ask for help.  But when the contents of a wine bottle doesn't help, you might to rethink your plans.  Although it does make for a nice break.....

5. When the bar is totally out of reach, good friends will know just how to knock that son of a bitch down.

In conclusion, I have tailored my bar to a height where my averagely sized person can attain it without too much injury, with moderate success and a considerable amount of fun.

Repairs and Maintenance

Yesterday was a day all about repairs and maintenance.  And perhaps a hint of indulgence!

I had booked myself in for facial and a haircut.  Given my last facial was er.... years ago and my last haircut got bumped when I got called into work and I never rebooked, I was more than looking forward to it.

Of course my darling Miss 4 and a half gave me her cold so my brain was clogged and some of the excitement waned.  However I off I went.

The lovely Andrea looked after me and for over an hour my face was treated to creams, lotions and some lovely steam to help clear my head.  She was more than amazing and I was really very impressed.  It was well worth the money spent (who needs groceries anyway?!) and all of sudden that light bulb went on..... I could see why people would do this regularly.  She told me what my mother has always told me "you have very good skin" which is good news considering how badly I look after it!  Perhaps I should start looking after my skin a bit more....perhaps even myself in general?!

I trotted off to the hairdressers (Andrea had kindly applied a bit of makeup for me, facials feel nice but sometime make me look like a red faced spotted serial killer) and rocked up to the hairdressers.  I explained that I thought my hair was very mullet like, so after a rectifying that fashion error, a cup of coffee and paying the bill I was off again feeling like a new person!

Our cars are given a warrant of fitness and must pass a set of tests to be road worthy - we get them serviced to keep them in top shape but why don't we do that for ourselves?!

Expense is probably the first thing and the time a close second.  It feels far to indulgent to be pampering oneself, but the thing is no one else will look after us apart from us.  I'm not saying that the Farmer would trade me in for a better looking model.....well not with all his man bits attached he wouldn't......I digress......the reason I think we need to keep up repairs and maintenance on ourselves is ourselves.  I feel refreshed!  And not a bit guilty for looking after myself.

I woke this morning with Miss 4 and half's cold still bubbling around but I still felt well.  And the reason I think I am feeling good when I should be feeling poop is because of yesterday.

So treat yourself, even if it's soaking your feet, putting a leave in conditioner on your hair while watching a movie or giving yourself a "mask treatment" at home, do something for you!  You'll feel better for it!

A reminder to myself

A weekend at home.  Time spent mooching around.  Being able to enjoy the kids with all their simple joys.

That was my weekend.

Now I did have a list of things I should have been doing.  People to phone, jobs to do, things to sort/put away or just deal with.  And low and behold  - the world didn't come crashing down around me when they didn't get done! 

This in itself is not ground breaking stuff.

But in the bubble of my mind it's good to know.

The funny this is that I'm not alone in needing to be reminded this. 

I have a number of friends, striving to be superwoman, who (like me) get swept up in all that we SHOULD be not who we are. 

And who we are is mere mortals. 

Mothers of children who need us.  Wives to husbands that have to deal with the fall out when we come to the realisation that we haven't done all that we thought we should have.

I can tell you it feels good to have a relaxing weekend, doing something but nothing.  That's what it's all about!

* Be kind to yourselves *

What I should be doing, and why I'm not!

It's 4.46pm Monday.  I should be cooking tea, while helping Master 7 and a half with his home learning and SHOULD NOT be blogging.

Ha! 

Tonight's tea takes literally 15 mins.  It's a Jamie Oliver recipe our family has renamed 'Amelia's favourite Pasta'.  I've told Master 7 and a half he has to finish his apple before home learning (he's taking his own sweet time I will freely admit) but hey, I say grab the 5 minutes with gusto and live in the moment!  (or something like that!)

Although the weather has been crap today it's been a great day.  It was very pleasant hanging out with Miss 4 and half we did our 'town jobs', having a catch up coffee with the Farmer ...his treat..... finding out that my photography course buddy got runner up 3rd place in a competition (whoo hoo!), bus stop catch up with my friend and baking something new - although it wont make the family recipe book.

Why can't every day be like this I have to wonder?

Well the apple is two bites away from being finished, and the Farmer just phoned to say he's leaving in 10 mins so better getting cracking.

But my lesson for the day - Enjoy it while it's happening, it changes so fast!  That could relate to so many things in our lives!

Out the other side

So it's been a while since my last post.  And literally it feels like it's taken that long for me to feel 100%.

But I'm back.  And although I will be sensible (not really my thing) I hope to be back up to my usual busy life - taking photos, catching up with friends, chilling with my family and of course ogling my Johnny Depp calendar.

So not much to report right now.  Just going to share a photo i took the other day and will endeavour to get back to my blogging when I have something of substance to say!

Not bouncing back.

Okay so I've been sick.  And the work thing about being sick is not being in control.  There I've admitted it, I'm a control freak.  I'm all about the planning.  And last week I had a number of plans to visit people, do things, have some time out with my daughter, clean my house (note where that came in the list of priorities) and getting myself sorted before school holidays.

Insert Group A streptococcal infection here.

Me, knocked on my arse quite literally all week.  And you know what I tried to keep going.  But I failed, miserably.

So a week later.  Still have a sore throat.  Still tired.  House still needs cleaning.  And ta da.....it's school holidays.

All the kids want is time with me. All I want is to lie on the bed and rest. Perhaps read a book. You can see where things come a little unstuck. 

Hence my game plan:   Take each day as it comes.  Very radical idea for me.

Try and do stuff with the kids, keep on top of the washing and perhaps clean one part of the house each day.  We've already had multiple offers for visits/play dates and at this stage I'm unlikely to commit.  I seriously don't have the energy to think 2 days ahead of myself. 

And here is the bit about 'not bouncing back'.  Could it be....AGE?  Nah surely not.  But I am wondering if I am not the only one in this.  Perhaps the collective group of super Mum's I know are the same?!  Sigh. 

Thankfully I have had the Farmer on tap this week.  He's done a great job of children collection, food organising (if you ask Master 7 about this he'll just tell you about the takeaways!) and he has been patient with his ailing wife.

Stay tuned for the 2 weeks of school holidays which will be fantastic!  (You may note the slightly forced tone.)

Doubt.

I've composed a number of posts recently, and posted none of them.

Not sure why I'm all of sudden reluctant to voice my views. 

A part of me thinks it might be doubt.

Doubt of my abilities.  Not necessarily of my expectational abilities to write this often thought provoking highly intellectual blog.  Snigger snigger. 

But of my person, I guess.

It's been a ridiculous couple of weeks.  And I can't see an improvement for the next wee while.  I'm hoping to get a bit of down time, a day maybe two to just recharge a bit.  Remind myself who I am, what I'm doing and why.  Take a couple of deep breaths and keep on trucking.  I'm sure that I will then be able to kick that doubt a paddock or so from me to and move on.

And if that fails I will jump on a plane and stalk Johnny Depp till I feel back to normal. :-)

Ahh sorted.  Simple really.

Making changes

It's a funny thing, making changes. 

You know it's right but in the time leading up to the inevitable you doubt yourself, your motives, your reasoning.......other people add their opinions and you doubt yourself more!

With one day left of the job I've been doing for well over 2 years now I had expected to feel something more.  Yes I will miss watching the children develop, encouraging their learning/play and growing has been amazing.  However I guess there is just a quiet sense of relief at the moment.

Maybe I'm just tired.  Maybe next week when things settle I'll be able to articulate myself better.

For now it's a chapter just about to close.  I'm wondering what the next chapter holds.

Older than his years.

Master 7 never fails to blow me away.

Of late his room has looked alot like a small bomb went off.  Normal 7 year old boy stuff I assume.  But I want to put the responsibility on his shoulders to tidy it up.  I have enough to do without picking up after him and with the prospect of pocket money in the near future for him I feel that he needs to pull his socks up, so to speak.

Anyway, on his 'I'm finished' room inspection I ended up sitting down having a chat with him.

"Honey, how about you put that box back in the recycling huh?"
"But Mum you said you would make a tank with me"
"But Love I just don't have time right now"
"Mum, you promised"
"Don't you think that your room has enough junk in it already?"
"Mum your stopping my creativity"

Shocked silence.

"Remember you made me throw out my castle, that I made?"

More silence.

"But you never played with it?"
"YES I did."

Thoughtful silence.

"I'm very sorry, Master 7.  I have stopped your creativity.  I didn't think of it that way before.  Lets take some other things out of your room so you have space to display your creations"

"Thanks Mum"

Oh my goodness me.  Talk about a kid being today in tune with the world.  Master 7 has a wisdom beyond his years.  He reminds me of the things I know I should be doing/encouraging (with a fair dollop of guilt). 

I've just finished reading a book on ways of discovering your "Element".  Sometimes our school lives don't give us enough guidance to find it and I wanted to be sure to encourage that with my kids.  But apparently I have got caught up in the age old nagging to keep things tidy, without thinking about who my child really is. 

And Master 7 has always been one for creating, making and thinking. 

I need to remember to nurture this.  Celebrate him for who he is.  And give him the room to discover his "element."

Love you kiddo xx

Feeling like my head is going to explode...

No it's not the world's largest pimple, nor a life threatening brain tumour  - it's just life!

I'm constantly 10 steps in front of where I need to be and my mental hard drive appears to be full so my memory is shot, my logic is random and my sleeping isn't so flash!

It doesn't help that I feel like I've mentally almost "checked out" of my job, with the list of "when I'm finished work" ever growing and becoming a full time job in itself.

I have so much going on I'm not sure how to unwind!

And, shockingly, wine isn't very helpful.

Oh. My. God.

Who is this person who has taken over my life and where the hell is JANE?!

Thankfully I had recharged my batteries with a glorious Mothers Day, much thanks to the Farmer, otherwise I would probably have been carted off in a padded van now.


So, in trying to focus I'm allowing myself 5 minutes to hash out a blog post (always makes me feel better) then am going back to work (playing with small people, cars and play dough is semi therapeutic) and will pour quite possibly luke warm coffee down my pie hole in an effort to regain some sanity.


If you don't read any more posts for a while, it's likely I'm having a rest at the home for the "Mothers who have lost the plot" - reservations not essential.

Why WASN'T I dreaming about Johnny Depp?!

Okay so I had this really weird dream the other night.

Do you remember Doug Penhall (Peter De Luise) from 21 Jump Street?

Let me jog your memory:

On the right people.....!!!

Anyway SO I have this dream and 'Doug' is in it.  Giving me a hug................no not THAT sort of hug, like a nice "wrap you up in big cuddly arms" hug.  And I woke up from it and initially thought, well that was nice.

However the issue at hand is WHY wasn't I dreaming about Johnny Depp?!!  Does this meaning I'm cheating on him?!!  I think so.  What a trollop.  Sigh.

Anyway, the dream could be a wee reminder for me to hug the Farmer more.  So that's what I'll do. 

Just the girls...

It's just me and Miss Four.  Whoop whoop!

The men folk have hit the road, heading to the Farmers parents farm in search of ducks.  Not my scene.  Thankfully Miss Four had a birthday party to attend so we are  having a girlie weekend.

Last night after dumping our things after a long day, we blobbed.  We picked a DVD.  We got some corn chips. And we hung out.  We did a bit of dancing (think I pulled a muscle in my butt....).  We had scrambled eggs for tea.  And after Miss Four was in bed....I did NOTHING.  No dishes.  No folding washing.  NOTHING.

Awesome!  Why don't I do that more?!

Anyway today, there will (unfortunately) be the need to do some jobs.....but I am hereby promising to turn the computer off as soon as I have finished this post, only do what really needs to be done and spend some time with my baby girl.

We might garden.  We might draw.  We might play cards.  We might bake.  Who knows!

But what I do know is I'm going to relax and enjoy my daughter before she grows up and thinks that spending a weekend with Mum is 'naff''.

Love you  Miss Four xx

 

A weight of my shoulders

So the decision is partly made.  I am giving up my in home child care to consider, with full intent, the prospect of study.  Or something else.  Who knows whats going to happen?!

And my goodness it truly feels like a weight of my shoulders.

I don't think I'll be any less busy but perhaps I will be a better parent, friend, daughter and wife.  Perhaps I will get to do things that have been needing to be done since we moved in.  Perhaps I will feel like a normal human being......nah unlikely!

This decision has been weighed up, with months of worry, the feeling that I have (am) letting people down, that I have somehow failed.  However since I have made this decision the overwhelming support I have had is more than huge.  It's enormous.  And really moving.

I am blessed with some special people in my life that see where I'm going.  That have possibly got more faith in me than I have in myself.

I am blessed with a husband who is tolerant, kind, loving and accepting.

And for my kids who when I told them about it and why I felt I wanted to stop and that I felt that they might be missing out on Mummy at the moment, told me how much they loved me and gave me cuddles.  Lets just say there was tears.

I will leave you with this...............

Life choices!

So last week I was sitting in the sun, chatting with a friend about what lay ahead for me.  To study and become an Early childhood teacher or not.

It plays heavily on my mind which to choose.  And the more I think about the more confused I find myself!

I'd given myself till June....all the while awaiting for life's to send me a sign....a lightning bolt.  So far I've had a few electric shocks prodding me down the study road but is that enough?

With all major life choices in life there should always be a pro and con list.....this is my thoughts on it so far:

PRO's for Early childhood teaching:
- Maybe possible to work locally
- Good to have 'trained' in a profession
- I'm good at it
- I enjoy it
- Always wanted to make a difference in the world, perhaps nurturing wee people is that way
- could use to become a PORSE programme tutor if I didn't like centre work

CON's:
- 3 years study - HUGE commitment
- Financial cost of studying for 3 years
- increased pressure on family
- not sure I'm interested in working in a large childcare centre - hours, school holidays etc
- could kill my social life!!

And I still need to factor in that I'm chief housekeeper, child carer, cook and organiser into the equation......

The whole reason I started this blog was to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up.  36 years old, you would think I would have a clue by now but alas no.  I've "fallen" into alot of things during my journey and I always give them 110%.  Does that mean this is the right thing for me?  And if it isn't then what is?

FRICK FRICK FRICK!

Feel free to suggest, comment or give advice!

Is the grass greener?!

The reflection isn't me.

Reading something at the moment and really liked this extract:

"The person I felt inside had no corresponding features to the reflection in the mirror.  The wide smile, perfect teeth and over the top accessories bode no resemblance to the person I knew myself to be.  Where did I go?"


I totally feel like that sometimes.  As if, the 25 year old me is still living life, just not this one!  Or that the realities of my life are someone elses, especially when it comes to cleaning windows.....


The person we try to be and the person we sometimes are, don't always match up.  Sometimes the view from the inside feels like another life altogether and sometimes a passing comment means that your reflection on yourself can make you feel pretty small, or big.


My hope is that I am as honest with myself as I can be.  No ones perfect.  The inside doesn't have to match the outside even if that's what's being judged. 


I do all I can, give all I can, try the best I can, in all I do.  That is a reflection of me.

What's in a day.....

Sometimes at the end of a day I think....."what the hell did i achieve today....."

In an effort to make myself understand what I've been doing, done and/or achieved I pulled out the camera to make a record......

Here's a 'snapshot' of my day......

Making patterned eggs with the small people in my care

Miss Fours Easter Pics

One of my charges artwork

Coloured Rice



CARNAGE!

Yes....that would be WET washing....fricken rain

Easter Chicks

Home Learning with Master 7

Dinner

THANK GOODNESS!

And I have saved you the shock of seeing the 2 piles of washing I need to fold and put away.......

Achieve much? Hmmm debatable.......giving good experiences to small people......hopefully.....tired................heck yes...... tomorrow is another day!

New Life.

It's a wonderful feeling to be reminded about the joys of joining the club of parent hood. 

Not me, mind you.  My two are more than enough for me....in a good way!

Very recently a dear friend of mine has given birth to a beautiful baby boy.  His journey began years ago and the result of much worry, stress, highs, lows and love has finally resulted in his arrival.

When I got the call I was a semi-hysterical mess.  In between tears and laughter I tried to piece together the words to congratulate, celebrate and welcome him to the world, possibly not well but with the utmost heartfelt joy.

This has lead to me think about parenting.  How we can take for granted the privilege of being a parent.  And it is. Just ask anyone who has had an unsuccessful journey in trying to be a parent.

Yes, it's hard.
Yes, the hours suck.
Yes, they make you cross.
Yes, it's a juggle.
Yes, your likely want to yell occasionally and
yes, there is heart ache, back ache and teething.

But the joys of it are unfathomable.

Like today, I saw a friends daughter just GLOW by being given the opportunity to dish out stamps to the other kids at kindy.  My heart swelled with pride for her, and she's not even my child!

Watching your child try and achieve something.  Master 7 has had some extra help with his speech and I got asked to meet up with his speech therapist and she praised him for all his efforts....he's worked hard, and success for him was my reward too.  for the nights we've sat trying to get it right, thinking I'd rather have a wine, has paid off.  And him getting there is cause for praise.

Even when Miss 4 said tonight after I called her Baby Girl - "Mum, please call me a Big girl, I'm a big girl now" is a wonderful thing....although she'll always be my baby girl......just don't tell her that!

So being a parent - HUGE.  And this quote probably sums it up nicely........

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. 

It is to decide forever to have your heart

go walking around outside your body. 

~Elizabeth Stone

"Mum, just be yourself..."

So having just Master 7 for the last few days has been awesome.  He's such a shining star in my world.  His thoughts are kind, loving and often come out of left field. 

Like today, having a chat at the kitchen bench, about lots of things.  Then a statement from him:  "Mum. just be yourself...."

Where that came from I have no idea.  I asked him what made him say that....."no reason".....quizzed him if it came from school, "nope".

I think he is going to be the next Dalai Lama.

If I had that kind of wisdom at 7 I would have been a far more confident, happy and self assured person as I progressed through life.

I don't think I try to be anyone other than myself, but perhaps Master 7 knows otherwise. 

It sometimes is hard to fit in.  Sometimes being different is lonely and awkward. 

The key is having the knowledge that your being true to yourself, that your loved and special for who you are.

Armed with this knowledge I'm sure Master 7 will be himself.  And if he forgets, I can remind him, just like he's reminded me.

Master 7

Being in love with the sky.

If there is one thing that taking endless amounts of photos has taught me it's that the smallest things change in a minute.

If you see something beautiful, either take a photo or stand and admire it before it's gone.

The most beautiful thing I see here, daily in good weather and bad, is the sky.  The clouds are ever changing, the sun in the morning is stunning, the colours of a sunset can be tinged in shades of pink up against the bluest background.  Truly breath taking.

But if you don't believe me, then let me show you......

All these photos were taken in March 2012 by myself!

1000 page views - crikey dickens!

Wow!  So I've had 1000 page views on my wee old blog......Who knew?!

It's surprising as I've only given my details so a very (privileged) few so the rest of the readers must have stumbled upon my blog in some other way.  And some might even be repeat readers!  Which does surprise me somewhat!

I mean it's a funny thing blogging.  I type, get out my frustration, share my joy, have a whinge, pass on a recipe....you know - whatever....and people......friends, family and then strangers read all about it.  Kinda random really, don't you think?

I think about trying to explain this to my Grandma.  "Why?" would be her first question.  And probably quite a good one.  I suppose "why not?" is also a valid question. 

I'm happy to think that perhaps someone has read my blog and got something out of it, even if it's a giggle, or a 'Christ I'm happy I'm not that woman' ....either way it works for me.  And I guess 1000 page views means I mays well keep doing it!

Thanks for reading! 

Married 9 years and still in love!

So tomorrow is our 9 year Wedding Anniversary.  I'm blogging about it now because I am going to be hanging out with my significant other tomorrow night!

My Farmer is the rock in my life.  He is my best friend, certainly most enduring, the father of my kids and the love of my life (unless Johnny Depp is reading this then he is my 2nd....tee hee!)

The Farmer and I knew we were meant to be together after a week.  We, like any couple, have hard patches.....mortgages, children, farming and even building a house are all things that have been bumps in the road....but they have made us stronger.  We are a team.  And I hope our kids can see that.  It's what we want for them.

I'm grateful that I am blessed with such a good husband/father and friend.  Looking forward to many, many, many more anniversaries and to growing grey together!

One of my favourite wedding photos!

Akoori

Okay folks it's time for another recipe.  And this time it was DELICIOUS!  It's really just a very tasty scrambled eggs - you could have along side bacon, hash browns, toast as a brunchy type breakfast.  Tonight it was just a super quick tea and I really really liked it!

Akoori from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

75 grams of butter

Two tablespoons of oil

Two medium onions, sliced

A piece of fresh ginger (about three centimetres) peeled and chopped

One large stalk of coriander leaves

Three green chillies

A medium sized tomato cubed

Six eggs

Salt to taste

Two tablespoons of milk

Heat the butter and oil in a pan.  Sauté the sliced onions and ginger till light brown.  Add the chopped coriander leaves, chopped green chillies and tomato cubes to the pan.  Break the eggs into a separate bowl.  Add salt and milk and beat lightly.  Pour the egg mixture into the pan containing the onion mixture, lower the heat and stir carefully till cooked like scrambled eggs.  Serve hot, garnished with more coriander and tomato cubes.  This dish can be served in individual portions with triangles of toast or friend bread, or it can be put in a bigger serving dish for people to help themselves.

The actual recipe I was given was for twice this quantity and the chef said it was ideal for brunch parties but much has escaped me since then, including brunch parties, so I have halved the recipe.  You can put any leftovers in vol-au-vent cases and these are very nice if you are having people visit for drinks and little bits to eat.  This is another thing that has also passed me by, so I keep the leftover for lunch the next day and they are not too bad at all served with a  green salad and a piece of wholemeal bread.

  Janes' review:

1; being a sucky flop 2;definitely do this one again  3; being add to your repertoire immediately

Taste: Oh yeah baby this will be being done again 3!

Ease: quick and tasty! 3

 

Family verdict: The Farmer "very nice"; Master 7 : "Mum this is my favourite meal ever!" and Miss 4 - well lets just say, she's in bed and her tea is still on the bench. 3 out of 4 aint' bad!

My children. Just when I thought I couldn't love them anymore.....

My kids never fail to astound me.

Not only are they loving, funny, wonderful creatures but they are full of imagination and joy.

Since we have got home from school today they have been nothing but wonderful to each other.  They have collaborated to make an amazing play area for lots of small toys.....without fights and included each other in whatever part they were doing/building.  When Miss 4 was struggling with something Master 7 jumped in to help. 

Master 7 has hugged me today, without reason and Miss 4 has been a kind friend to the other children I've had today............she did a fantastic job face painting them!

And probably they do this more often than I give notice, but today for whatever reason it's been incredibly obvious to me.  And I will need to reflect on this on the days when they drive me bananas.

I love you both so much................Thank you for being my world

love Mummy

A celebration of all things old...

I had some friends over today for 'afternoon tea'.  I had been wanting to dust off my collection of family tea cups, dollies and special plates.  It's lovely to have these things but if they aren't used, whats the point!?!!

And while making some treats to eat at afternoon tea I couldn't help think about my Grandma, and Mum who couldn't make it today.  I know Grandma would have loved it today.  We would have heard stories, had lots of laughs and marveled about her tomato sandwiches, which I couldn't bring myself to make.

It's times like this I miss her the most.  But at the same time I feel very close to her.

Busy times in our lives sometimes stop us from the golden moments.  The long afternoon teas where you can talk amongst friends, new and old.  You can share stories, discuss parenting trials and tips.  And laugh.  Then laugh some more.

There is probably something to be said about old fashioned tea rooms - a far cry from the 'takeaway coffee' and racing pace we live.

So my celebration of all things old, spending quality time and friendship is marked today.  I plan to do it again very soon!

A special mention to the chief photographer - The Crafter!

Chocolate Date Roll

Okay so I'm still plodding with my recipes but I must warn you before you get all excited and think what a delicious sounding thing this is.........when I made it.....it was a freaking disaster.  I don't often get COMPLETE write offs with my cooking but unless you want to eat chocolate covered rice bubbles then this is not the recipe for you..........

But perhaps someone out there can make this and let me know where I went wrong.....I challenge you!

Chocolate Date Roll from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

 One-third of a large cake of dark chocolate (perhaps king size)

200 grams of dates

100 grams of butter

50 grams of brown sugar

Three cups of rice bubbles

Desiccated coconut

Put the dark chocolate in a saucepan with the dates, butter and brown sugar.  Melt all this very carefully over a low heat until the dates are quite soft.  Add three cups of rice bubbles and mix well.  When it is cool enough to handle, roll the mixture into two rolls, each about four centimetres in diameter, then roll in desiccated coconut.  Wrap in greaseproof paper and store in the refrigerator.  Cut into slices to serve.

PS not going to review it due to it being a disaster!  I think that speaks for itself.

Johnny Depp and I......confession time.....

It's a documented fact (well I write about it in my blog....) that I think Johnny Depp is....well..... pretty gosh darn awesome.  A great actor, true to himself (as far as I can tell!) and not to shabby on the eye.

Well here's the confession.....

I wouldn't ever know what to do or say to him if I meet him!!  Lucky for me never likely to happen but if it did I'd be worse than 13 year old girl...giggling, not being able to talk and very self conscious.

Why have I suddenly come to this conclusion?

Johnny stares down at me from the calendar that my dear friend, The Crafter, gave me day after day and quite frankly its hard to get anything done!  But the Farmer was away last night and after the kids were safely tucked into bed I retired to the lounge........glass of wine in hand (yes I know it was a weekday and I'm not meant to be drinking then but well bite me!)........looking at the washing pile, the pile of  filing that was sitting there and numerous other things to be done........ and I thought sod it all!  I pulled out a Johnny Depp DVD.......assumed the prime spot on the couch and RELAXED. 

Fricken awesome. 

I even went as far as watching some of the bloopers and other bits after the movie had finished.  I watched a segment with Johnny and Keith Richards......2 legends just hanging out, talking about cool stuff and being lads.

But then came the realisation.......How would I ever hold a conversation with Johnny Depp?!!  It would be tragic beyond words.  Another wannabe fan with a teenage crush that has lasped into her thirties.  Sad.

Anyway I feel the best thing to do right now is to think about some intelligent questions, so when he does phone......I'll be ready. 


Johnny, just give me a week or so, okay?! ;-)

Working Mums - guidelines anyone?!

Working Mums. What's the guidelines? I must of lost the manual on how to do it properly! ?

The title 'working Mum' is for all Mums with kids, whether they are in paid employment or not.

My dilemma about being a working Mum always seems to be worse when I'm not in "paid employment".  Today for example I am child free (mine and anyone elses) and I'm cleaning, have some plums on the stove making plum sauce, hanging washing and mentally debating whether it's wise to take on an other children when I am constantly feeling I'm not getting all my things done. 

Specifically "things" are not just vacuuming.  Its the cleaning down the cupboards, giving things a jolly good scrub, fingerprint removal off odd places, cleaning the oven, tackling the linen cupboard, not to mention the outside stuff - oh yeah and then catching up with all and sundry, trying to squeeze in some time with nieces that I don't feel I know so well, not to mention other friends with kids that will be in school by the time I get my shit together.

So back to the question - taking on another child, on days I'm already working - smart?  Possibly not, but if you already have kids it's not such a big issue is it?  Well I guess the fact they need 7.30-4.30 care is a factor.  But do I WANT to do this?

The arse of it is that no one can answer that question for me. 

And in all truth I probably know the answer but hate to let people down.  Dumb huh?

On the other hand, how do other people manage?  I have some amazing friends who work and juggle kids.  Why can't I?  Hmmm.

All this doesn't mean I'm not happy with my lot, I most certainly am.  In fact perhaps happier than I've been in a while - it's just ensuring that it all works and works well.  And I've found, especially with the blog, it's better to write it all out and reassess than let it stew.  So there you have it!

15 things that annoy me......

Not sure why but I'm feeling particularly irritable today...to change my mood I thought I would just have a wee vent......

1.  Wee on the toilet seat
2.  Wee on the floor discovered by your foot
3.  Children dropped off to me with a large full steaming nappy
4.  Snubs on social networking working sites
5.  Having to re clean the bathroom you cleaned just hours before
6.  Stuck on Weetbix
7.  Waking early when you don't have to
8.  Finding the perfect dress/top/pair of shoes.....that isn't in your size
9.  Never winning Lotto
10. People that don't use their indicators
11. Having to look after children that are sick, that aren't mine
12. Having to repeat myself, especially with little or no voice
13. When people don't RSVP
14. Food scraps in the sink
15. Not having enough time in the day

I'm not entirely sure that made me feel any better but at least I can see that it's all small stuff.  As Miss 4 would say 'Mum, build a bridge, and walk over it'.  I'll try.

Why getting 'the Bird' made my day.....

Most people don't like being flipped the bird.  Some people think it's inappropriate.  Silly even.

I think it's very funny especially when done between friends.

So today's posting is all about how getting 'the bird' has literally made me smile all day.  I would say laugh all day but I've lost my voice so laugh probably isn't the right word.....grin and cough, wheeze a bit but definitely it does not sound like laughter......so I'll stick with smile.

These are hilariously funny biscuits that a very dear friend (this post is all about you!!) made and gave to me.  They totally appeal to my seriously off beat sense of humour and I'm thinking would make a great addition to the next 'bring a plate' school function -anonymously of course!

I like the fact that their are friends in my life who keep me on my toes.  They give me shit, take the mickey and make me laugh out loud.  This friend in particular pulls them out of the bag in fine form, when you least expect it, like at 9 this morning.  And I've been smiling ever since!

So thanks my finger pulling friend and for those of you who don't know how to pull the Bird (or the finger) instructions below!

1) Extend either arm at an approximately 90° angle perpendicular to the body.

You'd be surprised how many people don't give The Finger correctly. Save yourself from unnecessary embarrassment by going over these few simple steps. Be Strong. Be Proud. Then Flip. Remember: You are the master of your own bird.

2) Bend arm at the elbow. Position it parallel to the body, forming three sides of a perfect square. 3) Close palm tightly. 4) Fiercely upturn digit between pointer and ring finger.

PAY ATTENTION NOW!

5) Hold approximately 10 seconds to a minute for emphasis.