A weight of my shoulders

So the decision is partly made.  I am giving up my in home child care to consider, with full intent, the prospect of study.  Or something else.  Who knows whats going to happen?!

And my goodness it truly feels like a weight of my shoulders.

I don't think I'll be any less busy but perhaps I will be a better parent, friend, daughter and wife.  Perhaps I will get to do things that have been needing to be done since we moved in.  Perhaps I will feel like a normal human being......nah unlikely!

This decision has been weighed up, with months of worry, the feeling that I have (am) letting people down, that I have somehow failed.  However since I have made this decision the overwhelming support I have had is more than huge.  It's enormous.  And really moving.

I am blessed with some special people in my life that see where I'm going.  That have possibly got more faith in me than I have in myself.

I am blessed with a husband who is tolerant, kind, loving and accepting.

And for my kids who when I told them about it and why I felt I wanted to stop and that I felt that they might be missing out on Mummy at the moment, told me how much they loved me and gave me cuddles.  Lets just say there was tears.

I will leave you with this...............

Life choices!

So last week I was sitting in the sun, chatting with a friend about what lay ahead for me.  To study and become an Early childhood teacher or not.

It plays heavily on my mind which to choose.  And the more I think about the more confused I find myself!

I'd given myself till June....all the while awaiting for life's to send me a sign....a lightning bolt.  So far I've had a few electric shocks prodding me down the study road but is that enough?

With all major life choices in life there should always be a pro and con list.....this is my thoughts on it so far:

PRO's for Early childhood teaching:
- Maybe possible to work locally
- Good to have 'trained' in a profession
- I'm good at it
- I enjoy it
- Always wanted to make a difference in the world, perhaps nurturing wee people is that way
- could use to become a PORSE programme tutor if I didn't like centre work

CON's:
- 3 years study - HUGE commitment
- Financial cost of studying for 3 years
- increased pressure on family
- not sure I'm interested in working in a large childcare centre - hours, school holidays etc
- could kill my social life!!

And I still need to factor in that I'm chief housekeeper, child carer, cook and organiser into the equation......

The whole reason I started this blog was to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up.  36 years old, you would think I would have a clue by now but alas no.  I've "fallen" into alot of things during my journey and I always give them 110%.  Does that mean this is the right thing for me?  And if it isn't then what is?

FRICK FRICK FRICK!

Feel free to suggest, comment or give advice!

Is the grass greener?!

The reflection isn't me.

Reading something at the moment and really liked this extract:

"The person I felt inside had no corresponding features to the reflection in the mirror.  The wide smile, perfect teeth and over the top accessories bode no resemblance to the person I knew myself to be.  Where did I go?"


I totally feel like that sometimes.  As if, the 25 year old me is still living life, just not this one!  Or that the realities of my life are someone elses, especially when it comes to cleaning windows.....


The person we try to be and the person we sometimes are, don't always match up.  Sometimes the view from the inside feels like another life altogether and sometimes a passing comment means that your reflection on yourself can make you feel pretty small, or big.


My hope is that I am as honest with myself as I can be.  No ones perfect.  The inside doesn't have to match the outside even if that's what's being judged. 


I do all I can, give all I can, try the best I can, in all I do.  That is a reflection of me.

What's in a day.....

Sometimes at the end of a day I think....."what the hell did i achieve today....."

In an effort to make myself understand what I've been doing, done and/or achieved I pulled out the camera to make a record......

Here's a 'snapshot' of my day......

Making patterned eggs with the small people in my care

Miss Fours Easter Pics

One of my charges artwork

Coloured Rice



CARNAGE!

Yes....that would be WET washing....fricken rain

Easter Chicks

Home Learning with Master 7

Dinner

THANK GOODNESS!

And I have saved you the shock of seeing the 2 piles of washing I need to fold and put away.......

Achieve much? Hmmm debatable.......giving good experiences to small people......hopefully.....tired................heck yes...... tomorrow is another day!