T'was the night before Christmas.........

......and all through the house,
was the air of excitement & thankfully no bloody mouse!

The children are in bed, too excited to sleep
while I need the broom to give the floor a quick sweep.

For Santa there is some fruit balls and beer
while the lawn holds 6 carrots all ready for the deer.

The stockings, still empty, have been the focus for much of the day
and if they be filled with lots of things for play.

Both parents are tired, from the night before
and Mummy just about smothered the Farmers annoying snore.

The house is ready, food mostly prepared,
wine in the fridge and more in the shed.

Presents all wrapped all under the tree,
Camera all set to capture the glee.

"I think we are ready" Mummy confidently said
And with that she headed off to bed.


Thank you for reading my blog this year - it's been a good way for me to journal the ups, downs and sideways of Life.  I have had people read from all over the world and want to wish you all a safe, Happy Christmas and a wonderful 2012.

With love
Jane

3 more sleeps!

The excitement is building..... How will they last the distance?!? 

The magic of Christmas is alive and well within the realms of my home!  Cards made for Santa....Christmas music blarring....checking we have enough carrots for ALL the reindeer........

However, I'm still a bit upset at the kids for asking, 'is there another present?' while at a friends house swapping Christmas gifts. 

** Insert exasperated sigh **

I have two very lucky children who perhaps (even after serious amounts of 'schooling' from me) are failing to grasp that most people get just one gift, and are incredibly grateful.

Perhaps next year when they are likely to get just one larger item instead of 10 small things they will get it.  Perhaps.

Until then I will encourage they to be the ones to pass out homemade things, biscuts and the like to others and hopefully remember the lovely feeling they get from doing so.

Well it's worth a try!

The Meaning of Christmas

While sitting in PJ's I'm reflecting on what the meaning of Christmas to me....... meanwhile the kids are gluing, cutting and creating Christmas masterpieces.  There is glitter gracing my floor and I will use that as a festive excuse not to vacuum...cos it looks so gosh darn pretty!!

I've been drumming into the kids that Christmas is all about the giving.  The thoughts for other.  And that doesn't always mean a present.  Certainly they both have taken it on board and Master 6 3/4 has been wonderful in saying what can I do to help, all the time, which is great but sometimes the gift of silence perhaps would be better !!  (Remind me I said that when I say he doesn't do anything!!)

How much do I believe my party line?  Quite a bit I would have to say.  However the gift of giving, of time, thought and love can be hard.  Sometimes, with (or for) some people, it's quite draining.  But that's when you need to choose to be the bigger person, and keep going.  So I guess if you mean what you say and live by it then you are not just embracing the meaning of Christmas but the making yourself that person all year around.

Oh yeah people, that totally sounds like my shit don't stink.....but I am finding that my halo does seem to be shining today!

As for this Christmas.....we are well ready.  I'm happy with all the work done, the preparations for my children because lets face it that's the most important thing, for me and the Farmer - that they get to embrace, enjoy and live it.

Happy Christmas!  6 more sleeps to go!

The Uncomplicated Christmas Cake

So it's been a while that I've cooked something from this book.  My original goal to cook my way through the recipes (there is only 27 for crying out loud!) is still under way....er....a work in progress!

Early this year I did the 'Complicated Christmas Cake' which I really enjoyed.  It might be worth mentioning I don't really like Christmas cake so it was no mean feat to enjoy it!

This one is still cooking, so watch this space for the taste test but my goodness it was  easy peasy lemon squeezey to make!

Here it is cooking....smells pretty good......

The Uncomplicated Christmas Cake from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

 250 grams of butter

250 grams of brown sugar
Five eggs
250 grams of flour
One kilo of mixed fruit, or just sultanas will do (I usually use just sultanas)
A teaspoon of baking powder
One teaspoon of nutmeg
A wine glass of brandy or sherry*

Cream butter and sugar, add eggs one at a time and beat thoroughly after each addition, floured fruit, baking powder and nutmeg, and lastly brandy or sherry. 

Bake in a 20 centimetre (eight inch) square tin at 140 degrees Celsius for two hours.

*The business of the wine glass of brandy in the recipe is an interesting one because exactly what is meant by a wine glass?  This is a very old recipe so I think – and I could be wrong – that it might date from the time when, if there was a festive function of some kind, there would be beer for the men and what was called wine for the ladies but this was actually sherry.  So perhaps the wine glass stipulated would actually be a sherry glass.  A real wine glass like people use now for Chardonnay or sauvignon blanc would be too big, I have decided, so I hedge my bets and use an old port glass I have got.  It is quite a bit bigger than the usual small sherry glass, but not as big as a modern wine glass.

TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED, oh did I mention Tired?

Waking up this morning with a small blonde head on my shoulder I thought "Fark, far too early"....Thankfully that child went to sleep.  The larger child came in a bit later...complaining that there wasn't enough room for him.  Back of buddy it's only meant for the Farmer in me anyway.....tears followed, him not me, the farmer was getting grumpy, understandably and so my day began.

Tired children. Tired Mummy. Tired Daddy.

TIRED.

Now it just so happens that today was going to be Christmas card making followed by Christmas baking. 

The thought was there, the will is not.

Tired children do not make for happy Christmas atmosphere. 

The farmer (wisely) took the small people to town before we had visitors, giving me time to complete some projects. 

I played Christmas music.  Put the lights on the Tree.

And still the Christmas spirit eludes me.

Children arrived back.  And so far I have managed to get them to make Christmas cards....given them supplies, glue, glitter and said enjoy.  Probably not what I had in mind but the patience levels are low and desire to have a Pimms before noon is strong.

I've read a number of blogs of late that tout all about their fantastic Christmas crafts, ideas and show lovely pictures of wonderful things made with their children.  My message to you is Bah Humbug.

I'm hoping a good sleep, a bit of time to myself and a Pimms (not necessarily in that order) will restore my Christmas spirit and I too can join the festive blogs, delighting in all things Christmas.

Credit must go to my Wangavegas friend for supplying the above image to me!

Sunday in pictures.

 Christmas Helpers

The Farmers Work do at Petting Zoo

 Hanging with the Man of the Month

End of the Day the tree is up, there are wrapped presents, tired happy kids.....a good Sunday all round.

HOWEVER at 5.30 this morning....Master 6 appears in our room saying he feels sick.....half an hour later he follows through on the sick and a visit to the loo......lucky I'm not doing today in pictures!!

Advent Calendar, Vomit and Disappointment.

Our Family Advent calendar made by my Mum - pretty cool huh?!

So it's the 3rd of December and after 2 days of excitement with what the pockets of the Advent calendar may hold, I was surprised last night when Master 6 said "Mum I hope there are no food treats in there".  With a confused look I asked why?  "I'm not feeling well Mum".  Alarms bells.

After Miss 3 being sick and then me, and with a about 6 hours sleep over 48 hours I was really not keen for another round.

Bundled into bed he seemed fine.  Well kind of.  Moaning and groaning, squiggling and squirming he didn't settle.  Aha! Pamol.  That's what he needs.  Sitting on the side of his bed I told him to sit up and have some Pamol....unfortunately he decided then was a good time to vomit, on me.  Sigh.  Thankfully the Farmer decided to sleep (for about the 3 night running) in Masters 6 bunks with him so I had a relatively good nights sleep.   As for Master 6, not such a fun night.

And we get to the disappointment part of the story. 

Today was meant to be filled with Christmas fun.  Had thought about taking the kids to the Santa parade in Waipukurau (a wee rural town down the road), decorate the tree, head to a friend of Master 6's 7th Birthday (which is a Star Wars theme - how cool?!), then have Fish and Chips with another friend who we have been looking forward to seeing.

The problem with all this is that this bug has jumped through my family like fricken wild fire, it's just not smart to be heading around seeing people......man it sucks.

So the plan for today now.  Much the same as the last 3 days.  Look after small sick person.  Likely be indoors.  And drink lots of coffee.

World famous in a calendar! Whoop whoop!

So I've been snapping photos for a while now and this year I entered some in for the Farmlands calendar.  Well it turns out that you can now call me Miss April!

Yes you may well recognise it...it my blog picture...possibly one of my favourite farm shots so am thrilled to see it in a calendar!  And I may even get a prize for it!  Who knows!

But the fun doesn't stop there....on the back of the calender is another 12 photos.....and 3 of them are mine!  They mustn't have had many enteries! 

 (they cropped this one to just have the sheeps head...good idea!)

The only thing maring my joy from such awesomeness is the fact that Miss 3 was up night before last from 3am vomiting and I was up with her..... and then last night I was up all night being sick myself.  Nice to know I've installed such a caring - sharing daughter but we need to have a chat about extactly how it's meant to work! 

Anyway I was so excited about my photos I just had to blog about it.  Now I think I pop a DVD on for Miss 3 and will sit beside her and have a nap.

5 minutes to watch the world drift by.

I'm busy.  I have list that is never ending.  Sometimes it feels like the list is my life and somewhere near the bottom I might find myself again.

However most of it is me, aspiring to be the best I can by doing things I love for the people that I care about.  Foolish?  Yeah probably.  Will I change? Unlikely. Solution? Sitting in my favourite chair in the lounge and watching the clouds drift by.  And I mean this literally.  I have just done this very thing and without trying to sound all 'Zen' and 'new age' it felt good for my soul.

The Farmer is working late.  The kids are in bed after a super busy day topped off with teacher-parent interviews.  A follow up appointment to the Dr (after a fairly stressful last visit) for Miss 3 concludes she has Asthma.  Which in itself isn't a major, there are drugs to help and she's likely to grow out of it, but it still worries me - cos I'm her Mum it's what I do.

And when I truly feel that these things are really getting the better of me and I'm rushing around like a headless chook my 5 mins, it's amazing.  It's what keeps me sane(ish).

Everything has a solution. Things do work out.  Problems are resolved.  It doesn't really matter if your washing gets wet - in fact the kids told me today that "the world won't stop" "the clothes will be even cleaner Mum" - so in my 5 mins quiet world watching moment I've taken stock of this stuff.  Filled up the life juice again (and no I don't mean with wine....) and am ready to tackle the next 3 hours before I go to bed.

Just gin and bear it

There are things in life we all do to be polite.  There is the little white lie.  The big fat white lie.  And the Grin and bear it.  Or as I have renamed it "the Gin and bear it"

Now I'm always up for a drink but the gin and bear it is a different kettle of fish.  It's that time where you wish you could slug back a bottle of gin as the grin is turning to a grimace and your about ready to lose it - tears or tanty.  One is highly likely to happen.

I'm not going into specifics here but needless to say if I had gin in the house, I would probably have an empty bottle for recycling.

There is no overcoming this thing we do to be socially acceptable and/or polite when in fact we just want to say "for the love of god shut the F*(# up'.  We just keep smiling serenely and hope that the smoke isn't pouring out our ears.

Regardless, am all out of gin....wine anyone?

Grey clouds

It doesn't take much to find the beauty in the grey clouds, you just need to be open minded.

The reality of growing older - Jane Style!

I have a Birthday on Saturday.  I will be 36.  And I'm delighted!

Why?!  Surely after you hit 30 age is something we don't like to talk about....Ha!  Why the hell not!

Cripes we are all in the same boat....there is no stopping it, unless you are a gazillionaire that can put yourself in a freezer and hope the tree of eternal life is found.  Unlikely.

36 is my lucky number.  In fact 6 is my lucky number and if you multiple 6 x 6.....well....work it out.

Anyways I think that Birthday should be celebrated.  That you should mark the day you came into the world in any sort of fashion.  Coffee with friends.  A special breakfast.  A family outing.  Something. 

If you are number phobic then just don't tell anyone but it doesn't really matter, does it?!!

Sure it would be easy to think about the negative...and I know that I don't look as smokin' hot as I did 10 years ago but 10 years ago I didn't have 2 kids, a farm and although I was with my Farmer we weren't married (I'm pretty sure married life may have added to my shapely figure and a couple of "laughter lines"...)

I am choosing to celebrate 36.  And although I could name 36 reasons why turning 36 is a good thing I will just do 6....lets face it you would have stopped reading by number 10!

1.  I am wiser now that I have ever been.
2.  I am aware of WHO I am, on the inside and the outside
3.  On my birthday my toy boy Farmer will be 2 year younger than me for 2 days...I'm a cougar!
4.  I'm another year closer to a European holiday
5.  At 36 I'm feeling like I'm coming into my own as a Mum
6.  It's a bloodly good reason to have a dinner out with friends!

So getting older....truely it's not a biggie.  Go with it!  Celebrate it! 

xx Jane

Back to real life and I'm still smiling!

So I got back from my fan-tab-u-lous Melbourne adventure with my Ma and Pa late Tuesday......I was buggered, we had an early flight out, a bit of waiting, sitting and after 4 full on days of walking, eating, shopping, laughing, eating more, drinking and hanging out I was pooped.  Need a holiday to get over the holiday!

Lucky for me I had a couple of easy days to get back into the realistic things, LIFE, WORK, FAMILY in no particular order!

Full credit to my Farmer for dealing with trying times - sick child, bothersome Bulls, broken washing machines, work, Gym lessons, Pet day and general life with the kids.  I am blessed to have a Farmer who can manage, give me time off and now can truly appreciate me!!

Back in the normal world I find myself still smiling at 5.00 and laughing with the kids over their incredibly funny sense of humour - when just 2 weeks ago it was probably lost on me as I raced about.

Can this new found lease of life be sustained?  I bloody well hope so!  I think the lesson my Mum taught me by taking me away was the importance of still being Jane.  What does that mean?  Realising that your kids are such an important part of your life, that your husband, partner, significant other is also immense in your world but YOU are still you, not just someone to be relied on, but a person in your own right. 

Knowing this, having time without the responsibilities whether it be by yourself or with girlfriends is so very important......and yes I was lucky enough to get to do this with my folks and in Melbourne (!!?) a afternoon out, long walk by yourself or a movie would work wonders too.

In conclusion (always wanted to say that!) find the time, however you can because as the people that hold the family together we need to realise that even glue can come unstuck now and then.

Holiday Part 2 - Melbourne

Whoo hoo!  One more sleep!  Till what?!!  Till I get to have a mini break with my Ma and Pa without the Farmer and kids.  And yes I might miss them......for maybe a nanosecond??!! HA!

My list of to do jobs before I go is diminishing and the excitement building.  Tomorrow morning I will be almost unbearable to be with.....

Destination Melbourne.  Staying for 5 nights....really only there for 4 days but 4 days of fun, food, shopping, and of course photos (Sorry Dad.....!)   I'm even looking forward to just waiting for the plane - I can whip out my book and read with out feeling guilty about all the things I should be doing.

When I get back I hope to be relaxed, recharged, poorer, appreciated and missed......will see!

And before you think what a spoilt tart.......I really DO appreciate this and know how incredibly lucky I am to be going away!  I quite possibly have the Bestest Parents in the universe!

So Thanks Mum and Dad.....am really looking forward to spending some quality time with you and Making Memories!!

A little bit of spooky fun......Halloween!

Like the muggins that I am, I thought I would have wee Halloween party for Master 6.  Two reasons really....firstly his birthday falls at a pretty stink time in terms of birthday party...most of his buddies are on holiday.....and secondly he is right into "scary stuff"........

So today was the day....and it was alot of fun.....Master 6 count down had been happening for about a week.....and his face was pretty happy when he saw we had bats, spiders and webs, skeletons and spooky eyes all over the place!

We had lots of mouth watering food....blood baths, spider bites and bleeding fingers....yummo.  We had games, tricks and the Farmer and I even got into the swing of things with costumes....his fake hand was probably the winner!

Yes it took a bit of work and I enjoy that, because the reward really was knowing how much Master 6 loved it......and a got a foot rub out of it too......win win if you ask me!

Some pics from today!

The Farmer trying to be Edward Cullen....and failing some what...... luck for him I still love him, even if he is human!

Getting back on top

So it's been a superb week.  Feeling like I'm getting ahead, on top, climbing the mountain ....or whatever.  I feel organised, happy and productive (in no particular order.)

And today is Friday. WHOOP WHOOP! 

That's really all I have today say in fact.  But I did want to share this as I may make it my motto....for future reference......

Beef in red wine

Beef in Red Wine from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

500 grams of any stewing steak (it does not matter how cheap it is)

A little fat or oil
Two medium onions
Four tomato's, cut into quarters
A few black or green olives, halved and stoned
One carrot, diced

Cut the steak into neat matchbox- sized squares.  At this stage it is important to be very neat about this, because the finished dish will look much better.  Brown these in a pan with the fat or oil then put them in either a saucepan or a casserole dish.  Cut up the onions and fry them in the same pan till they are golden, then add the tomatoes, black or green olives and carrot.  Allow this mixture to fry together in the pan for a few moments.  Add half a teaspoon of thyme or mixed herbs, pepper and salt and two cloves of garlic cut into tiny pieces.  Stir in two glassfuls of red wine and then add to the meat in the saucepan or casserole.  Add a little more wine if necessary so the contents are covered completely.

If you are cooking this in a saucepan, put a piece of greaseproof paper over the top and ram the lid down as tightly as you can and stew very gently for two or three hours – longer is better.  If you are cooking it in the oven in a casserole dish, put it in a slow over (about 150° Celsius) and leave it for a similar length of time.  Check the level of liquid from time to time and if necessary add more red wine.

I used to double this recipe if I needed to, but these days I hardly ever do this because there is just me.  If there are no fresh tomatoes available, or if they are too expensive, I use tinned ones.

Janes' review:

1; being a sucky flop 2;definitely do this one again  3; being add to your repertoire immediately

2  

Taste: Very Tasty

Ease: very simple, prepare and leave!

A weighty issue

So I was reading a post from goodgollyholly being-overweight-does-not-really-work and could totally hear what she was saying.  Her honesty and candor speaks volumes about the issues we have with weight, exercise, "drive", motherhood and life in general.  And she's funny to boot.

I felt compelled to comment on her post and in doing so have been thinking about it ever since.

Over the weekend I have been having a mammoth reassessment of my wardrobe....ie removing allot of clothes that I no longer fit.  And truthfully it's quite rewarding.  I have been carting clothes around for YEARS that I will never get back into.  Talk about a chain around your neck knowing they are there and you can't fit them.  But even so it's hard looking in the mirror as TRY and fail to do up pants that I loved. 

Yep I'm carrying lots of extra weight.  I know it.  Accept it.  Have good days and bad. 

But does it define me?

Is it what other people see when they look at me?

What about my good points?

Oh yes my good points.  I have them.  Things I like about myself, that perhaps others do as well. 


So after this weekend of thinking lots about weight and all the things I know I need to do get rid of it and how I feel about it....well you know I actually feel OK.  Which in all honesty is the biggest step up for me in a long time. 

And who knows I may lose some weight one of these days too.  You just never know.

Flying the Flag - Rugby World Cup 2011

Feeling a little lazy today so am sneakily using my letter to the editor of the local paper to double as a post....... Ha!

I’ve just come home to the Bay from a week away around the North Island.  And I felt I had to share the enormous joy I got from seeing us as a country flying the flag for the All Blacks.

 It didn’t matter where we were, there was flags and messages of support for the All Blacks on just about anything.  Rural NZ had flags on fences, in paddocks, in trees, messages on barns, roofs, made from tyres, with balloons and streamers and even on a farm bike.  Not only were there flags on cars but in the towns they adorned windows, mobility scooters, boats and all sorts of business showed their support by flying flags off flagpoles to fishing rods.

The thing that made me proudest was that it wasn’t just all about the All Blacks.  There were messages for the other countries too.  When we saw overseas tourists out and about they were warmly  greeted and given the real Kiwi welcome that can only come from a being a small nation. 

Well done to us all!

And GO THE AB’s!

I'm baaaaaaack!

Well after a much needed break from all things domestic, well at least domestic work here, I have returned with my family - a little more relaxed than when I departed.

The Holiday was fab with stop offs all over the place in the North Island (of New Zealand that is...) and it was wonderful to catch up with lots of people, be reminded what a beautiful country we live in and spend time with my family.

Although the days seemed to fly by with fishing adventures, sandcastles, the occasional vomit (the kids not me), a bit of Rugby World Cup essential viewing and sightseeing I've found myself back an into routine without much fuss i.e. washing machine given a work out, supermarket visited, food cooked, kitchen bench a bomb site and a wine in hand.

So in an effort to not bore everyone to tears on my first post back I will leave you with a couple of pics.

todays the day....

We are leaving in T minus....shit its too hard (and I'm too excited) to count down the hours but we are going on a family holiday TODAY!

So one of two things will happen:

a) we will have a superb time - I will get quality time with my farmer and children to make some wonderful memories and relax for a bit without having the day to day grind in my face so therefore will be a calm serene happy person

or

b) everyone will drive me batty and I will come back from holiday, clear out the bank accounts and get a one way ticket to Europe.

Place your bets now and wait for the results!

Fame

As I teen I really wanted to be famous, of course that's how you would meet the teen stars in all the mags.  Once I realised I had no desire to be an actor (years of speech and drama didn't create an overnight success), that I had no vocal talents and wasn't model material I moved on. 

Or maybe I haven't, maybe I'd still like to be rich and famous........yeah.................nah.........still can't sing, model or act!
However I still wonder what it must be like.  For your friends to be celebs, live in a fishbowl, have stuff done for you, told what to wear and where to be and be 'seen'.  To make a statement and then regret it but for the world to judge you on it.  To pretend, for the most part, about everything around you being "normal".  Imagine everyone always having an opinion on you, without knowing you.  Being judged, constantly.  When does the acting stop and real life kick in? 

I think the Fame part that brings in the big bickies would be great but the rest you can have.  I like being able to make dumb arse statements and  have friends that are friends and won't sell dodgy pics of me after 3 to many wines to the tabloids -  not that there are any (........that I remember!)

Is it just "youth" that puts a shine on Fame and all it's trimmings?  Does the lifestyle appeal? Money? Great clothes? Is it the trashy mags?  Is Fame just about being a celebrity?  Or can Fame come from other things? 

I know there are a number of very talented people I know that should be famous for their work on creative projects, but its a different sort of Fame.  A respected Fame.  Being good at something like painting is poles apart from well acting Fame.  Which is a good thing cos my clever friends might not want to hang out with me otherwise!!

The reason I decided to do a post on Fame was Johnny Depp has just done an article for a mag, not sure which one and said something about the photo shoots are like being raped.  Though that was probably the a poor choice of words I kind of understand what he was getting at.  It's a double edged sword in some senses, if your in front of the camera you shoot a movie then have to promote it, even though you hate doing that type of thing, to make the movie sell you need to "sell" also - your face and name.

I'd really like to meet Johnny Depp....to talk him, obviously that's the only reason....Nothing to do with the fact he is delicious.  No really, he appeals not just for the Fame aspect but because he appears to be well rounded in his interests, acting roles, and he likes wine....truly he has a vineyard...apparently!!  And he has two kids a girl and a boy, so we have LOTS in common!  However part of me feels like a stalker for wanting to met him!  So I'll cancel the plane tickets for now and maybe if he's over this way he can swing by for a vino.  I'll keep you posted if he drops by!

In the meantime a wee gem to get you thinking about Fame.....

Having a bad day

The world has been hard on Miss 3 and 3/4 this afternoon.

She got lost at the new Warehouse shop - wouldn't have if she had listened to her mother though - hold my hand has a reason me thinks.....??!

She had an "accident" at the swimming pools while getting changed.

She fell over while running at the swimming pools - perhaps that is why Mummy says don't run at the pools?!

The dumb arse person at the McDonald's drive thru forgot her fries - I gave her mine, thankfully they remembered them.......

She NEEDED to go for a pee on the way home cos she was BUSTING so we pulled over, got in the correct peeing position for her only to wee on her pants.

and Mummy won't give her a hot wheat bag, cos she only needs in when she has a sore tummy which seems to have manifested reasonably quickly....but frankly I don't buy it.

She's tired, I'm tired, she's in bed, I'm about to have some form of booze.

Thankfully Master 6 is tucked up in bed without incident, goodness knows what may happen otherwise!

Hows your day been?!

I'm still here!

Okay so posts aren't daily anymore.  Is this a bad thing?  Does anyone miss me?!

I read somewhere that you should do a good post, ie something witty, clever, interesting but not tooooooo often.  So I thought that sounded reasonable IF I wanted lots of people to read my blog.  But while being in withdrawal of my daily ramblings I thought about it more and have decided - I don't care what I "should" do, I'll do what I WANT to do!

So back to my mindless trivial blogs to get things out of my head and thoughts from cluttering my brain.

If it's too often, then don't read! HA!

In saying this, the family holiday is looming and I will be totally off the radar - which will be nice but I bet I'll have allot to say when I get back.

Anyway I just want to say, I'm still here, I've missed my ramblings and it's time to have breakfast!

Have a good day!

Fashion

I can't claim to be a fashionable person.  I have discovered that alot of my wardrobe is black.  And you know what, black isn't that great on me.  It has taken a very dear friend, alot of laughing and some hard home truths to step up and get rid of a number of things in my wardrobe over the weekend.  In fact, I probably could get rid of some more if I was being completely honest with myself but may find myself in the terrible situation of having to run about naked for lack of clothes.

For me understanding my body shape (??!) has got to be more important that what size I am.  I no longer have a flat belly....may never have had one - but admitting it, dressing for it and moving on has to be pivotal in regaining some self-confidence.

Thinking about put in a bit of colour, working on my best features and being kind to myself will also help.  And not bargain shopping but shopping for what I need, what suits and what will go with existing clothes will benefit me no end, it's just remembering that!

When I look at what I'm about to give away ..... the amount of money I have spent on things that no actually fit or are completely wrong for me I cringe, but I guess we have all done it.  The pair of pre-child pants we LOVE but you can't do up only make you feel horrendous about yourself......knowing you can't go back there.  But if they AREN'T lurking in the wardrobe, tauting you, you can realistically move on.

I have also always felt I haven't had a 'style' either, you know the collar up pearls and Levi's - preppy sort of look, the quirky free spirit look, sporty (never ever going to be me) or classic crisp white shirt, jeans and blazer style- I don't fit the box and perhaps even 'getting' that is helpful.

I also have to factor in my job.  With kids I don't want to feel precious about what I'm wearing.  There is glue, paint, dribble, food, snot and some times things I don't even want to discuss ending up on me and my clothes - so I have to be comfortable and wear things that will wash well.

Don't expect a hot new me, but perhaps watch a gradual transformation of me at almost 36 years of age finding my fashion fit.

Losing my Mojo.....

I enjoy scrapbooking, it's a way to record memories.  I'm not as clever at it as some but it's not important it about keeping the memories.  The kids love to look back at their albums and remember things we have done.

The problem is....I've lost my mojo.

Gone.

Vanished......

Into thin air.

I haven't done last Christmas or our family summer holiday.  The problem with this we are going to have another soon - more photos - more scrapbooking - AHHHHHH!

Perhaps the issue is time, or perhaps I've just got to make time.  

Oh well I have a weekend to think about it!  Have a super weekend x


Suggestions on how to find my scrapbooking mojo are welcome........................

Why Blog?

Why do I Blog?  Jolly good question really and one I hadn't given alot of thought to. 


My dear friend suggested I should start (I think she just likes hearing about the the hilarity that sometimes is my life!) and eventually I got around to it. 


What makes me think about it is that today I had a comment on my posting Courage of your convictions  from another Blogger.  It was nice comment so had a look at his Blog, Fickle Cattle anyway after reading a bit about this blogger I could see things I knew to be true about why I blog. 

For instance:

"I write because I want someone to read me; who I am, what I think, how I live.

I write because I hope, someone, somewhere, would read what I wrote and think, "yes, he's right, I get it," and understand me." - Fickle Cattle


And perhaps I write this blog as a way to remember.  To record the bad days and see that they are followed by good ones.  To remind myself that my job as a Mum, wife, friend and daughter is valuable.  To write and re-read things for myself can only give me more clarity amongst the confusion.  To make myself feel a part of something else that is mine alone but shared for everyone to be part of.  I like the ability to write down how I feel and get it off my chest.

And it interests me where in the world people are reading from.  I wonder if the people reading from Germany, Malaysia, Australia, Russia & the USA are similar to me?  Do they face the same trials, joys, highs and lows?  Does reading my blog make them smile, give them a laugh or make them think they aren't alone?

Who knows really. 

All that really matters is I like blogging.  It isn't for everyone. But if works for me.

Braised Steak

So I tried another recipe last night,. smelt really good and the meat did become very tender but I'm not 100% sold on this.  I need to do a count up to work out how many recipes left to cook!!

Braised Steak and Onions for two from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

500 grams of blade steak

Two large onions halved and sliced

150 millilitres of beef stock made with a cube

One dessertspoon of Worcestershire sauce

Salt and pepper

Heat a little oil in a pan, brown the whole pieces of meat nicely on both sides, having trimmed the fat off the outside, but do not cut out the jellyfish piece of fat down the middle of the blade steak.  This is delicious when cooked.  Transfer the pieces of steak to a casserole dish.  Then fry the onions in the same pan to brown them very slightly.  Arrange them over the meat.  Season with salt and pepper, pour on the hot stock and the Worcestershire sauce. Put on the lid and put the casserole in a pre-heated over (about 160° Celsius and leave for two or three hours. Or under the meat is tender.  Check every now and again to see that the liquid has not evaporated too much during cooking and, if so, just add a little more stock.  If you have some red wine left over from something it is excellent in place of the stock.  Serve with mashed potatoes and a green vegetable.

Janes' review:

1; being a sucky flop 2;definitely do this one again  3; being add to your repertoire immediately

Taste: Tasty enough but only rate 1 ½ - probably won’t make again...

Ease: Easy enough.....

Kids weren’t sold and the Farmer didn’t rave but I guess if your on a budget it’s a cheap main meat dish.....

The courage of your convictions

I consider that I am pretty honest with my posts.  That I do it for me and that others want to read is some what of a compliment. 

It has taken me years to feel comfortable in my own skin, and even now with me probably at my largest ever I still feel happy with the 'real' me, not the person you look at but the person inside.   I have been shy for a good part of my life and now use humour in my repertoire to fit in, be at ease and get someone else to smile.

All in all I am pretty happy with myself.

But watching someone very special lately I realise I have never had the courage of my convictions in quite the same way.

This amazing person is able to laugh, loudly and truly not care who's looking.  Can wear whatever she wants with confidence and proudly, just because she can.  She dances, without any care, will cry and feel better for it, knowing it may not do her any good at all.  She marches to her own tune, enthralling anyone lucky enough to watch.  Her laughter is contagious.  Her smile infectious.  And her heart is big.  She doesn't mind correcting anyone - regardless of position, age or knowledge base.  And does so with a smile and confidence that I don't believe you can learn, you just born with it.

She knows her own mind. That statement alone is a weighty one. 

This person is my daughter.  My beautiful Miss 3 & 3/4. 

I pray that she never changes.  That life will only encourage her personality, make her stronger (not necessarily more willful!) and that she learns that she has an amazing gift to be herself - and that "herself" needs no changing.

Love you lots my baby girl. xx

"Mummy.....where is Heaven?"

When Miss 3 turned to me yesterday out of the blue and asked "Mummy......where is Heaven?"

A quick look to the Farmer with a look of shock and crikey dickens....where did that come from....before saying "Heaven is far far away, high up above the clouds.....why do you ask darling?"

Her response was a little vague but it turns out that Master 6 has been saying that I will die first, as I'm the oldest, then the Farmer, then him and then Miss 3..........HOLY SHIT!  Way to freak out Miss 3 out, nice one kiddo.

Master 6 has experienced losing someone special, with the loss of Great Grandma and Granny so probably has a better understanding of what Heaven is all about - well at least I hope so. 

It makes me wonder what it must be like trying to grapple with this stuff as a kid when as an adult it's still hard to comprehend.  When you lose someone special in your like you want to believe that there is someone were better and I do, but that's come with age, faith and probably hope.  How hard must it be for a child to think of someone special that you can't see?  Or trying to understand that someone will never come back from "that place" called Heaven.  Does it rain there? Are there animals? Can you eat?  all entirely viable questions.

I guess if kids can believe in Father Christmas they can believe in Heaven.

However any suggestions regarding this would be warmly welcomed!

Farts ARE funny.....

If your at all straight laced, frown about farts in public and have no sense of humour then best you stop reading now.

I have had in my care this afternoon Miss 3 and her wee friend ....who is a boy, and youngest of 3 children, all boys.  He can fart loud and proud.  And it's hilarious.  He farted, said "Pardon me, I FARTED" then burst into hysterics, as did Miss 3 and I. 

Master 6 and I were doing his home learning the other night and he dropped one, I got a whiff and said was that you?  And without a second thought "Said I think it was Dad" who wasn't even in the house......Nicely played son!  The fart was funny but deferring blame to your father when he's not about is even funnier!

And you know what, I don't even mind the pull my finger trick - provided your under 10 years old......Thirty something year old men please don't thing this is at all hot.  It's not. 

There are a number of sorts of farts......machine gun farts....fast furious and funny.  Silent and violent.......potentially lethal and decidedly not funny if your caught in the fall out.  The sneaky fart.......you tried and failed to sneak one out in public and didn't pull it off well - best laugh about it or die of embarrassment.  The loud and proud (today's winner) - own it - it was worth it!  It's natural and we all do it, why make a big deal about it?!

That's one of the attributes I love about kids, they can appreciate the humor of such things and yes of course there is a time and place, but you should giggle.....after all what's a bit of gas between friends!

American Crunch

It's been a while since I did a recipe from Kitchen Memoirs so heres one...a wee sweet treat!

American Crunch from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

100 grams of butter

100 grams of sugar

One egg

200 grams of sifted flour

One teaspoon of baking powder

A tablespoon of cocoa

Frosting

One cup of icing sugar

One cup of dessicated coconut

Two tablespoons of cocoa

A large tablespoon of melted butter

A teaspoon of vanilla essence

Cream the butter and sugar together and beat in the egg.  Add the sifted flour, baking powder and cocoa.  Cook for ten to fifteen minutes at a moderate temperature (about 160 degrees Celsius) in a greased sponge roll tin.  When cool, combine all the frosting ingredients and ice.  If the is not enough liquid to make a nice spreadable icing, just put in a tiny bit of water.  Cut the slice into fingers and serve with coffee as a treat.

Janes' review:

1; being a sucky flop 2;definitely do this one again  3; being add to your repertoire immediately

Taste: It was off the scale for smell but was lovely and moist too - 2

Ease: My two helpers and I whipped it up with no problem 2

Didn't have dessicated coconut so just used thread coconut

Daffies - a little bit of sunshine in flower form.....

A more picturesque day you would not have found today....well I think so anyway!

We had a lovely picnic with some very special friends and picked beautiful daffodils which are now beautifying my home!

It really is the simple things in life that can give you the most pleasure! 

Cut grass and wild sheep

It's been a productive day with floors vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned, lawns mowed and tree's have had a lovely sprinkling of the cut grass to cut down on weeds - frick I hope that works otherwise I need to do some serious weeding.

We have had visitors and lazed in the sun watching the kids round about while eating and drinking and talking.  Nice.

But it's now the end of the day and I'm tired.  Not helped by an early start, a kick in the leg from a wild sheep and had the wind knocked out of me by another mongrel sheep.  Note to self, next time the Farmer requires help weighing up sheep, vacate the area.

Time to unwind, relax in front of the big square thing that lives in a corner in our lounge, with a drink in hand.  I'm back to normal and wine has never tasted so good.

He makes my heart dance..........and I'm not talking about the Farmer (or Johnny Depp)

I am remarkably lucky.

My Master 6 is my son-shine.

He is totally on form at the moment and if I wasn't married to his father, wasn't his mother and he wasn't 6 I would TOTALLY marry him.

The last few days with him have been a parenting pleasure.  He has been constant with this offers "what jobs can I do for you Mum?", he helped me make my bed, pulls all the curtains, helps get his sister dressed, picks up be-headed dead rabbits for me, is very responsible about getting himself ready for school, puts away his washed folded clothes into his drawers (perhaps he could show the Farmer that trick), empties the dishwasher, puts away toys for me, waters the herb garden, has been a legend with his home learning (home work for us oldies), doing great with his swimming lessons and his positive happy outlook on the world is infectious.

My favourite though was went he said, while emptying the dishwasher, "you sit down and have a rest Mum, I can do this for you".  And the phrase "it makes your heart dance" was his from a couple of years ago.... truer words could not be spoken when talking about him. 

Love you lots Master 6.

R U Okay?

This is an Australian day that acknowledges depression.  How Huge is that?  Pretty Huge in my book.

Whats more, how important is it?  It's immense.  The person you think "has it all" can be depressed, the new mum putting up a brave front for the rest of the world as she doesn't want to be judged poorly can be depressed, the man who is so macho that you would never assume would be affected by depression may have been battling it for years. 

Do you ever think about someone and wonder if they are okay without actually asking?  Does it matter how close your friendship-relationship is?  When is it appropriate?  Well really how hard is it to say R U OK?  You might be surprised to find out you are the lifeline that person needs.  All they might need is to talk.  Perhaps more but with someone on their team you'd be surprised how far that can go.

Very recently the depression card was closer to home than one would like.  But is it a bad thing?  I don't think so.  R U OK? is all about acknowledging it and finding ways to deal with it.  Turning a negative into a positive.

Have a think if anyone around you might need you, don't hesitate to ask R U OK?

For more information regarding depression in New Zealand www.depression.org.nz

Having the best parents .....eva!

My parents rock.  They are taking me to Melbourne for a holiday.  How cool?  Very cool.  Why would they do such a thing?  Beats me, but I'm happy to accommodate!

So we go in November and I will have to have time off work, shame that....... and it's not that I don't love my children and husband but they aren't coming either.  Silent whoop whoop....!

The thing I am most looking forward to is spending quality time with my folks, yes really!  Visits with Ma and Pa Kettle are now are trickier with this working 5 days a week lark and if the Grandies are there .... well lets just say they are way cooler than their parents so we don't get a look in!!  So time doing what-ever-the-hell-we-like-when-we-want-to will be AWESOME!

As Mum says we will be Making Memories!

Stop the ride I wanna get off

Be warned this has a considerable amount of honesty. 

So I finally got the bugs from my family.  Thanks for sharing.  Not so much the cough side of things just the inability to move, wanting to sleep all day, aching body, headache and feeling generally like warmed up poop.  Wonderful. 

The problem with no energy and a partially functioning brain is that it thinks.  It thinks, while the body is decidedly unhappy.  And what it thought about was all the stuff that I need to do.  Past just the general housework, on to preparing for my working week ahead (yes I do that even when it's something as simple as "looking after children"), getting an idea of meals for the week, thinking about when I can catch up with all the people I need to see - it's on going.

And then I thought.  Fuck it.  Stop the fricken ride, I want off.

I don't want to think about: where that is, who's clothes need what, whats for tea, whats for lunch, when did I last wash the sheets, when can I plan this, when can I slot this in, who's coming, who's going - WHO FUCKEN CARES.

I'm a good Mum, great wife and I try really hard in everything thing I do.  But I'm shattered.  My happy face, it's coming unstuck. 

Now I'm not sure if it's just that I spent the first part of this week coming off a superb high (Wellington was great for my soul!) and then rushing about dealing with germs and sick people and therefore getting sick myself or that it's just I'm in need of some time off life but whatever it is, it's bloody disheartening.

I am a very organised person.  Normally.  I like planning things, I like know where things are at.  My calender is full of things.   But all I want to do right now is sit down and drink cup of tea after cup of tea while reading a book or three.  The first alarm bell to my state of mind is there is no wine in this picture.  I'm obviously having a mental break down.  The second alarm bell is that it will never happen.....there is no (lockable) room that I can hide in to read books and ignore life.

The solution?  Fuck knows. 

As I type, I can hear the washing I put on, beep at me.  The Farmer has gone to do some fencing and I'm not having a go at him.  He has been great at looking after me and he's a good help.  It's just that I could use another day in bed.  I'm feeling better than yesterday but still not well.  So I'll crack on and do the things that need doing. 

Because who else will do them.

Now I did warn you that there was honesty.  And don't think that because I said all this that I'm a nut case...well in fact I probably am, but that was evident before I had my rant.  All it means is I'm the same as any other Mum.  And to have a vent like this, shares the problem.  You might see yourself in this, somewhere.  You may understand, sympathize and agree with my train of thought.  .

And you may wonder why we are not all raving alcoholics.

Ear infections and Dora

Looonnngggg day.

Spent most of the night hanging off Miss 3 bed woken hourly to reassure her she was okay and I was just there.  She allowed me to go to my bed by 3am so was granted a few hours half decent sleep.....and although the worry about her kept me awake most of the day it has worn off and now I'm just worn out.

So she has a ear infection, secondary to the nasty arse flu that has knocked her and the farmer about.  Poor wee munchkin.  She didn't even indicate sore ears, I was thinking more tonsillitis but then I'm not a doctor am I?

I think I may have indeed watched most of the Dora episodes ever created with my wee friend attached to my knee, arm around my neck....which has been er nice.  However the constant breathing of her germs on me can't be a good thing....I'm hoping that rest and lots of Vitamin C will keep them at bay.  I will not be a good patient I can assure you.

The Farmer went back to work today.  So next week when all the team at his work are infected he will be Mr Popularity.  He seems better but I know that he's not 100% but he can't be told.

It's been weird, no "work" all week and I've achieved NOTHING.  Caring for sick family doesn't count.   Anyway I've just got a FATSO DVD in the post - 21 Jump Street.....Johnny Depp fix which has to be better than Dora (sorry Miss 3).

I have to add that my heart goes out to all the parents of children with constant health issues, that require the type of care over and above anything I've had to deal with.  They are troopers, wonderful human beings that deserve praise and support.  God Bless them all.

Stuff

Holy crap I have a lot of stuff in my house. 

This is the problem when home, not working, with small sick person (large sick person is in denial), one tends to see all the stuff I have around.  It's everywhere and the more I try to tidy it up the more piles of stuff I have to deal with.

I can see the headlines now "Woman drowns in Stuff".

Am trying to be pro active and get rid of some of the stuff but am getting to the point of not caring......feeling tired and headachy this better not be what I think it is..................

Anyway I'm going to have a cup of something (tea, coffee not my usual I know) and sit on the couch with a bin and sort/throw stuff away......well until small sick person wakes....and I hope that's not for a while.....she needs the sleep and I need the break.

I will beat the stuff........or die trying.........