Even more like me!

Well it's been a few days since I felt I had a 'aha' moment and I'll still there.  Which is awesome!

I keep coming back to these feeling about how things should be and they seem really true to myself which is such a great thing for me right now!

Lets here a big WHOOP WHOOP!  okay well maybe just a small WHOOP WHOOP then!  ;-)

I had a weekend away with some friends a couple of weeks ago and brought a very cool sign for my wall, essentially for Master Eight "Imagination is more important than knowledge" but I have since realised that it also speaks to me.  Now every time I see it I feel a certain uplift in my day.

Anyway, with the on coming break of Easter I'm looking forward to some time with my kids and the Farmer and some time to be at home.  Life is a constant rush.  It's becoming clear to me, that if I rush my kids too much we all miss out.

Enjoy the scenery for a while!

Happy Easter!

 

xxx

 

Jane

  

Wonder and Hope.

I've had an unusual day.

Good in the sense that for some reason I feel that I have a place.  And I know that sounds awfully profound but the things I have been stewing on now feel, like they are put to bed.

I met someone today, and perhaps felt like I should be striving to be part of something that this person was.  I was possibly a mild curiosity.  Eager, without resolve, without connections, finance and the potential for those things. 

Keeping in mind, all this was me, thinking/feeling these things.

But surprisingly although put out I have just watched something that has moved me in such a way that I feel like I've hit a note.  A very personal note.

And yes this all sounds very cryptic, and what the hell is she going on about.....I know I know......

But I keep trying to bench mark myself and yes my bar is high and yes that's who I am - but perhaps there is more to the way I do things, that I have just clicked into.

I am truly finding a sense of myself.  And sense is the key word.

This will need to sit with me for a while.  And I will quietly let it play out.

Wonder and Hope.

When it all stops.

Sliding back down into normality after being a part of huge project has finally caught up with me.  The adrenaline has worn of, my immunity has come crashing down and I have spent the best part of the last four days with a tummy bug and it's side effects.

The problem with being physically unwell and still feeling mentally pretty good is that while "resting", I had too much time to think.  This is a bad thing.

I have been reflecting on so many things I'm not even sure where to begin.

Firstly I'm needing to make a few changes. 

I have realised in all my infinite wisdom that being a people pleaser is not great for my well being.  It's nice to be needed but there is a fine line between needed and taken the piss of.  This covers alot of things but relationships that should be two way that aren't.  So heres the kicker.....I'm not going to worry about making the first move and I'm going to say No or at the very least, can I get back to you?

Next to the fray is my love of photography.  I'm never giving it the fair crack it deserves.  And I'm not sure if that's because I haven't got the confidence to keep at it or I'm scared I'll fail on some level.  My gut says to put everything else aside and make it happen.  But can I?

My kids.  My very tolerant, lovable, noisy little rascals.  Why do I do anything I do?  I think that it's for them but somewhere along the way, possibly in people pleasing mode, I missed the boat.  Now that they are both at school I need to get back on board, and start giving back some of the stuff they are needing from me.  Time.

It is possible to be that focused on myself?  To actually try to put me, my family and what I want first?  Do you think anyone gets that?  And if they don't - should I care?

More questions that answers at the moment but I feel like I'm on the right track.  Is this the first step of When I grow up?