Losing my Mojo.....

I enjoy scrapbooking, it's a way to record memories.  I'm not as clever at it as some but it's not important it about keeping the memories.  The kids love to look back at their albums and remember things we have done.

The problem is....I've lost my mojo.

Gone.

Vanished......

Into thin air.

I haven't done last Christmas or our family summer holiday.  The problem with this we are going to have another soon - more photos - more scrapbooking - AHHHHHH!

Perhaps the issue is time, or perhaps I've just got to make time.  

Oh well I have a weekend to think about it!  Have a super weekend x


Suggestions on how to find my scrapbooking mojo are welcome........................

Why Blog?

Why do I Blog?  Jolly good question really and one I hadn't given alot of thought to. 


My dear friend suggested I should start (I think she just likes hearing about the the hilarity that sometimes is my life!) and eventually I got around to it. 


What makes me think about it is that today I had a comment on my posting Courage of your convictions  from another Blogger.  It was nice comment so had a look at his Blog, Fickle Cattle anyway after reading a bit about this blogger I could see things I knew to be true about why I blog. 

For instance:

"I write because I want someone to read me; who I am, what I think, how I live.

I write because I hope, someone, somewhere, would read what I wrote and think, "yes, he's right, I get it," and understand me." - Fickle Cattle


And perhaps I write this blog as a way to remember.  To record the bad days and see that they are followed by good ones.  To remind myself that my job as a Mum, wife, friend and daughter is valuable.  To write and re-read things for myself can only give me more clarity amongst the confusion.  To make myself feel a part of something else that is mine alone but shared for everyone to be part of.  I like the ability to write down how I feel and get it off my chest.

And it interests me where in the world people are reading from.  I wonder if the people reading from Germany, Malaysia, Australia, Russia & the USA are similar to me?  Do they face the same trials, joys, highs and lows?  Does reading my blog make them smile, give them a laugh or make them think they aren't alone?

Who knows really. 

All that really matters is I like blogging.  It isn't for everyone. But if works for me.

Braised Steak

So I tried another recipe last night,. smelt really good and the meat did become very tender but I'm not 100% sold on this.  I need to do a count up to work out how many recipes left to cook!!

Braised Steak and Onions for two from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

500 grams of blade steak

Two large onions halved and sliced

150 millilitres of beef stock made with a cube

One dessertspoon of Worcestershire sauce

Salt and pepper

Heat a little oil in a pan, brown the whole pieces of meat nicely on both sides, having trimmed the fat off the outside, but do not cut out the jellyfish piece of fat down the middle of the blade steak.  This is delicious when cooked.  Transfer the pieces of steak to a casserole dish.  Then fry the onions in the same pan to brown them very slightly.  Arrange them over the meat.  Season with salt and pepper, pour on the hot stock and the Worcestershire sauce. Put on the lid and put the casserole in a pre-heated over (about 160° Celsius and leave for two or three hours. Or under the meat is tender.  Check every now and again to see that the liquid has not evaporated too much during cooking and, if so, just add a little more stock.  If you have some red wine left over from something it is excellent in place of the stock.  Serve with mashed potatoes and a green vegetable.

Janes' review:

1; being a sucky flop 2;definitely do this one again  3; being add to your repertoire immediately

Taste: Tasty enough but only rate 1 ½ - probably won’t make again...

Ease: Easy enough.....

Kids weren’t sold and the Farmer didn’t rave but I guess if your on a budget it’s a cheap main meat dish.....

The courage of your convictions

I consider that I am pretty honest with my posts.  That I do it for me and that others want to read is some what of a compliment. 

It has taken me years to feel comfortable in my own skin, and even now with me probably at my largest ever I still feel happy with the 'real' me, not the person you look at but the person inside.   I have been shy for a good part of my life and now use humour in my repertoire to fit in, be at ease and get someone else to smile.

All in all I am pretty happy with myself.

But watching someone very special lately I realise I have never had the courage of my convictions in quite the same way.

This amazing person is able to laugh, loudly and truly not care who's looking.  Can wear whatever she wants with confidence and proudly, just because she can.  She dances, without any care, will cry and feel better for it, knowing it may not do her any good at all.  She marches to her own tune, enthralling anyone lucky enough to watch.  Her laughter is contagious.  Her smile infectious.  And her heart is big.  She doesn't mind correcting anyone - regardless of position, age or knowledge base.  And does so with a smile and confidence that I don't believe you can learn, you just born with it.

She knows her own mind. That statement alone is a weighty one. 

This person is my daughter.  My beautiful Miss 3 & 3/4. 

I pray that she never changes.  That life will only encourage her personality, make her stronger (not necessarily more willful!) and that she learns that she has an amazing gift to be herself - and that "herself" needs no changing.

Love you lots my baby girl. xx

"Mummy.....where is Heaven?"

When Miss 3 turned to me yesterday out of the blue and asked "Mummy......where is Heaven?"

A quick look to the Farmer with a look of shock and crikey dickens....where did that come from....before saying "Heaven is far far away, high up above the clouds.....why do you ask darling?"

Her response was a little vague but it turns out that Master 6 has been saying that I will die first, as I'm the oldest, then the Farmer, then him and then Miss 3..........HOLY SHIT!  Way to freak out Miss 3 out, nice one kiddo.

Master 6 has experienced losing someone special, with the loss of Great Grandma and Granny so probably has a better understanding of what Heaven is all about - well at least I hope so. 

It makes me wonder what it must be like trying to grapple with this stuff as a kid when as an adult it's still hard to comprehend.  When you lose someone special in your like you want to believe that there is someone were better and I do, but that's come with age, faith and probably hope.  How hard must it be for a child to think of someone special that you can't see?  Or trying to understand that someone will never come back from "that place" called Heaven.  Does it rain there? Are there animals? Can you eat?  all entirely viable questions.

I guess if kids can believe in Father Christmas they can believe in Heaven.

However any suggestions regarding this would be warmly welcomed!

Farts ARE funny.....

If your at all straight laced, frown about farts in public and have no sense of humour then best you stop reading now.

I have had in my care this afternoon Miss 3 and her wee friend ....who is a boy, and youngest of 3 children, all boys.  He can fart loud and proud.  And it's hilarious.  He farted, said "Pardon me, I FARTED" then burst into hysterics, as did Miss 3 and I. 

Master 6 and I were doing his home learning the other night and he dropped one, I got a whiff and said was that you?  And without a second thought "Said I think it was Dad" who wasn't even in the house......Nicely played son!  The fart was funny but deferring blame to your father when he's not about is even funnier!

And you know what, I don't even mind the pull my finger trick - provided your under 10 years old......Thirty something year old men please don't thing this is at all hot.  It's not. 

There are a number of sorts of farts......machine gun farts....fast furious and funny.  Silent and violent.......potentially lethal and decidedly not funny if your caught in the fall out.  The sneaky fart.......you tried and failed to sneak one out in public and didn't pull it off well - best laugh about it or die of embarrassment.  The loud and proud (today's winner) - own it - it was worth it!  It's natural and we all do it, why make a big deal about it?!

That's one of the attributes I love about kids, they can appreciate the humor of such things and yes of course there is a time and place, but you should giggle.....after all what's a bit of gas between friends!

American Crunch

It's been a while since I did a recipe from Kitchen Memoirs so heres one...a wee sweet treat!

American Crunch from the book: The Kindness of Strangers – Kitchen Memoirs

by Shonagh Koea

100 grams of butter

100 grams of sugar

One egg

200 grams of sifted flour

One teaspoon of baking powder

A tablespoon of cocoa

Frosting

One cup of icing sugar

One cup of dessicated coconut

Two tablespoons of cocoa

A large tablespoon of melted butter

A teaspoon of vanilla essence

Cream the butter and sugar together and beat in the egg.  Add the sifted flour, baking powder and cocoa.  Cook for ten to fifteen minutes at a moderate temperature (about 160 degrees Celsius) in a greased sponge roll tin.  When cool, combine all the frosting ingredients and ice.  If the is not enough liquid to make a nice spreadable icing, just put in a tiny bit of water.  Cut the slice into fingers and serve with coffee as a treat.

Janes' review:

1; being a sucky flop 2;definitely do this one again  3; being add to your repertoire immediately

Taste: It was off the scale for smell but was lovely and moist too - 2

Ease: My two helpers and I whipped it up with no problem 2

Didn't have dessicated coconut so just used thread coconut

Daffies - a little bit of sunshine in flower form.....

A more picturesque day you would not have found today....well I think so anyway!

We had a lovely picnic with some very special friends and picked beautiful daffodils which are now beautifying my home!

It really is the simple things in life that can give you the most pleasure! 

Cut grass and wild sheep

It's been a productive day with floors vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned, lawns mowed and tree's have had a lovely sprinkling of the cut grass to cut down on weeds - frick I hope that works otherwise I need to do some serious weeding.

We have had visitors and lazed in the sun watching the kids round about while eating and drinking and talking.  Nice.

But it's now the end of the day and I'm tired.  Not helped by an early start, a kick in the leg from a wild sheep and had the wind knocked out of me by another mongrel sheep.  Note to self, next time the Farmer requires help weighing up sheep, vacate the area.

Time to unwind, relax in front of the big square thing that lives in a corner in our lounge, with a drink in hand.  I'm back to normal and wine has never tasted so good.

He makes my heart dance..........and I'm not talking about the Farmer (or Johnny Depp)

I am remarkably lucky.

My Master 6 is my son-shine.

He is totally on form at the moment and if I wasn't married to his father, wasn't his mother and he wasn't 6 I would TOTALLY marry him.

The last few days with him have been a parenting pleasure.  He has been constant with this offers "what jobs can I do for you Mum?", he helped me make my bed, pulls all the curtains, helps get his sister dressed, picks up be-headed dead rabbits for me, is very responsible about getting himself ready for school, puts away his washed folded clothes into his drawers (perhaps he could show the Farmer that trick), empties the dishwasher, puts away toys for me, waters the herb garden, has been a legend with his home learning (home work for us oldies), doing great with his swimming lessons and his positive happy outlook on the world is infectious.

My favourite though was went he said, while emptying the dishwasher, "you sit down and have a rest Mum, I can do this for you".  And the phrase "it makes your heart dance" was his from a couple of years ago.... truer words could not be spoken when talking about him. 

Love you lots Master 6.

R U Okay?

This is an Australian day that acknowledges depression.  How Huge is that?  Pretty Huge in my book.

Whats more, how important is it?  It's immense.  The person you think "has it all" can be depressed, the new mum putting up a brave front for the rest of the world as she doesn't want to be judged poorly can be depressed, the man who is so macho that you would never assume would be affected by depression may have been battling it for years. 

Do you ever think about someone and wonder if they are okay without actually asking?  Does it matter how close your friendship-relationship is?  When is it appropriate?  Well really how hard is it to say R U OK?  You might be surprised to find out you are the lifeline that person needs.  All they might need is to talk.  Perhaps more but with someone on their team you'd be surprised how far that can go.

Very recently the depression card was closer to home than one would like.  But is it a bad thing?  I don't think so.  R U OK? is all about acknowledging it and finding ways to deal with it.  Turning a negative into a positive.

Have a think if anyone around you might need you, don't hesitate to ask R U OK?

For more information regarding depression in New Zealand www.depression.org.nz

Having the best parents .....eva!

My parents rock.  They are taking me to Melbourne for a holiday.  How cool?  Very cool.  Why would they do such a thing?  Beats me, but I'm happy to accommodate!

So we go in November and I will have to have time off work, shame that....... and it's not that I don't love my children and husband but they aren't coming either.  Silent whoop whoop....!

The thing I am most looking forward to is spending quality time with my folks, yes really!  Visits with Ma and Pa Kettle are now are trickier with this working 5 days a week lark and if the Grandies are there .... well lets just say they are way cooler than their parents so we don't get a look in!!  So time doing what-ever-the-hell-we-like-when-we-want-to will be AWESOME!

As Mum says we will be Making Memories!

Stop the ride I wanna get off

Be warned this has a considerable amount of honesty. 

So I finally got the bugs from my family.  Thanks for sharing.  Not so much the cough side of things just the inability to move, wanting to sleep all day, aching body, headache and feeling generally like warmed up poop.  Wonderful. 

The problem with no energy and a partially functioning brain is that it thinks.  It thinks, while the body is decidedly unhappy.  And what it thought about was all the stuff that I need to do.  Past just the general housework, on to preparing for my working week ahead (yes I do that even when it's something as simple as "looking after children"), getting an idea of meals for the week, thinking about when I can catch up with all the people I need to see - it's on going.

And then I thought.  Fuck it.  Stop the fricken ride, I want off.

I don't want to think about: where that is, who's clothes need what, whats for tea, whats for lunch, when did I last wash the sheets, when can I plan this, when can I slot this in, who's coming, who's going - WHO FUCKEN CARES.

I'm a good Mum, great wife and I try really hard in everything thing I do.  But I'm shattered.  My happy face, it's coming unstuck. 

Now I'm not sure if it's just that I spent the first part of this week coming off a superb high (Wellington was great for my soul!) and then rushing about dealing with germs and sick people and therefore getting sick myself or that it's just I'm in need of some time off life but whatever it is, it's bloody disheartening.

I am a very organised person.  Normally.  I like planning things, I like know where things are at.  My calender is full of things.   But all I want to do right now is sit down and drink cup of tea after cup of tea while reading a book or three.  The first alarm bell to my state of mind is there is no wine in this picture.  I'm obviously having a mental break down.  The second alarm bell is that it will never happen.....there is no (lockable) room that I can hide in to read books and ignore life.

The solution?  Fuck knows. 

As I type, I can hear the washing I put on, beep at me.  The Farmer has gone to do some fencing and I'm not having a go at him.  He has been great at looking after me and he's a good help.  It's just that I could use another day in bed.  I'm feeling better than yesterday but still not well.  So I'll crack on and do the things that need doing. 

Because who else will do them.

Now I did warn you that there was honesty.  And don't think that because I said all this that I'm a nut case...well in fact I probably am, but that was evident before I had my rant.  All it means is I'm the same as any other Mum.  And to have a vent like this, shares the problem.  You might see yourself in this, somewhere.  You may understand, sympathize and agree with my train of thought.  .

And you may wonder why we are not all raving alcoholics.

Ear infections and Dora

Looonnngggg day.

Spent most of the night hanging off Miss 3 bed woken hourly to reassure her she was okay and I was just there.  She allowed me to go to my bed by 3am so was granted a few hours half decent sleep.....and although the worry about her kept me awake most of the day it has worn off and now I'm just worn out.

So she has a ear infection, secondary to the nasty arse flu that has knocked her and the farmer about.  Poor wee munchkin.  She didn't even indicate sore ears, I was thinking more tonsillitis but then I'm not a doctor am I?

I think I may have indeed watched most of the Dora episodes ever created with my wee friend attached to my knee, arm around my neck....which has been er nice.  However the constant breathing of her germs on me can't be a good thing....I'm hoping that rest and lots of Vitamin C will keep them at bay.  I will not be a good patient I can assure you.

The Farmer went back to work today.  So next week when all the team at his work are infected he will be Mr Popularity.  He seems better but I know that he's not 100% but he can't be told.

It's been weird, no "work" all week and I've achieved NOTHING.  Caring for sick family doesn't count.   Anyway I've just got a FATSO DVD in the post - 21 Jump Street.....Johnny Depp fix which has to be better than Dora (sorry Miss 3).

I have to add that my heart goes out to all the parents of children with constant health issues, that require the type of care over and above anything I've had to deal with.  They are troopers, wonderful human beings that deserve praise and support.  God Bless them all.

Stuff

Holy crap I have a lot of stuff in my house. 

This is the problem when home, not working, with small sick person (large sick person is in denial), one tends to see all the stuff I have around.  It's everywhere and the more I try to tidy it up the more piles of stuff I have to deal with.

I can see the headlines now "Woman drowns in Stuff".

Am trying to be pro active and get rid of some of the stuff but am getting to the point of not caring......feeling tired and headachy this better not be what I think it is..................

Anyway I'm going to have a cup of something (tea, coffee not my usual I know) and sit on the couch with a bin and sort/throw stuff away......well until small sick person wakes....and I hope that's not for a while.....she needs the sleep and I need the break.

I will beat the stuff........or die trying.........

Day 2 Germsville

I woke from my slumber a couple of times in the night for Miss 3.  She had a pretty good sleep all in all but I did not.  The spare room feels wrong.  And really I miss my bed but who would want to sleep there with all the icky germs and stinky sick boy smells?!  I should shut up and be grateful I'm still germ free.

Miss 3 is worse today than yesterday and had a morning nap - it's almost unheard of for her to do that - add in the not eating (she is her Mothers child) and you know shes not well.

Master 6 was go for launch today and went to school oblivious to the germ infested surroundings his poor Mother had to stay in.  In saying that I did do a mercy dash into town for the essentials - drugs, juice, DVDs and chocolate for me.  Note no wine....giving my body a rest.......

The Farmer has looked better and is probably due for a huge relapse.  He's trying to do farm jobs that in fact probably can't wait and I'm not in a position to do....dag a sheep?!?!?  Unlikely I'm afraid.  I think yesterday was the sickest I've ever seen him and trust me when I tell you it wasn't pretty.

The upside?  Seeing as no one is really wanting to eat....cooking tea is a breeze - Miss 3 has requested toast!  Whoo hoo!

Wild Wellington

Me and my "bitches" have returned from a wonderful weekend away!

As the newbie on the Wellington Road trip I was not sure what the rules were so was unprepared for whatever lay ahead.  Thankfully the only thing that lay ahead was some GOOD TIMES!

The WOW show was outstanding!  An amazing array of garments, done in a spectacular fashion with so much going on you almost need to go twice to take it all in. 

There was food, wine, shopping, laughing, more wine, swearing, more wine, food, new shoes, cocktails, more swearing, laughing progressing into cackling......and that was just the first day!

Crawling into bed on the first night at 1.50am I was preparing myself for the worst -  the next morning I mean....thankfully I was spared a throbbing headache, churning tummy and seediness - not entirely sure how though.  Lazy brunch and more laughs and we were off again.  Needless to say it was another great day with a pub crawl home.....yep......crazy good fun!

The best part of going away with girlie friends is anything goes, talking about whatever, laughing about life and being honest...even if the answer bites ...."yes your arse does look big in that".

The only down side to the whole thing (not counting the credit card bill) would be the return to reality to find the Farmer, Miss 3 and Master 6 sick.  I will be very dark if I get their bugs - for the mean time though I will care for them all...................in my PJ's. 

Has something has clicked?

I've had the bestest morning ever! 

Not sure if it due to the fact that I'm having a girlie mini break as of tomorrow (BRING IT ON!).  Or that something has clicked with me in a whole new way with my job.  I'm actually seeing results of what I'm doing with the kids I look after.  WHICH IS HUGE!  My crier isn't crying as much but is relaxed and settled.  My handful has done some super kind things today and is wanting to do things for himself which I'm whole heartedly embracing.

Not to mention they are both now asleep so I can sneak in a blog post and have lunch!

I know it won't always be like this but I'm thrilled and when I'm happy about things I'm entirely keen to talk about it!

Saw this quote and it kinda sums it up in a way "Duty is a matter of the mind.  Commitment is a matter of the heart."  Perhaps that's what's clicked.   I'm in it for the long haul, I've embraced it and now it's coming full circle.  You get out what you put in.