My train of thought has left the building.......

.........so after my blog last night, and the study that followed, I began to think more about the Guilt issues and how I've dealt with them.

To be perfectly frank it has always dependant on my frame of mind!  How strong I've felt about something, if my monthly was due (!!), what level my self esteem was at and what the guilt issue was about - ie did someone who hasn't had kids pass judgement on me abstaining from all things deli in a quest to grow an healthy baby, was I being tooooo precious?!?   By and large I've been ruled by my emotions.  Therefore this dictates my ability to take one on the chin or turn into a weeping wreck reaching for the wine or phoning a friend.

However I would like to think that although I know I will get the guilt's that it's time to realise one important thing.  I am raising my children in a loving manner, thank you very much.  I will not always get it right.  I'm not perfect but shit no one is! HA!  What a revelation that puppy is!

The other thing that dawned on me (while I should have been sleeping)......I am not defined by my children. 

This for me is a totally profound statement.  I know this to be true but sometimes get caught up in all that is children, I lose sense of it.  I think I realised a couple of years ago when I started to scrapbook about me.
Which indeed has lots of lovely memories of things with the children but also celebrates my friends, achievements and acknowledges ME. 

When did I stop being who I am and someones wife and mother?  Probably back in the days of no sleep, fueled by the ideals of "being super mum" and trying to bloody hard to be all things to everyone.

For me that's the beauty of this blog, making it real for me by writing it down!  Once you say the words they all but disappear.  When you write it down it brings those thoughts and ideas that you know and believe in and makes them really real.  It confirms what you know and gives you a point to mark yourself at.

And look I know there will be times where I will be all consumed by other things and get side tracked but if I can focus on who I am, where I sit, my priorities, dreams, hopes and keep learning from that then I know I will be a better person for it.

PHEW! What a ramble!  Betcha I'm gonna sleep better tonight knowing THAT's off my chest!