When it all stops.

Sliding back down into normality after being a part of huge project has finally caught up with me.  The adrenaline has worn of, my immunity has come crashing down and I have spent the best part of the last four days with a tummy bug and it's side effects.

The problem with being physically unwell and still feeling mentally pretty good is that while "resting", I had too much time to think.  This is a bad thing.

I have been reflecting on so many things I'm not even sure where to begin.

Firstly I'm needing to make a few changes. 

I have realised in all my infinite wisdom that being a people pleaser is not great for my well being.  It's nice to be needed but there is a fine line between needed and taken the piss of.  This covers alot of things but relationships that should be two way that aren't.  So heres the kicker.....I'm not going to worry about making the first move and I'm going to say No or at the very least, can I get back to you?

Next to the fray is my love of photography.  I'm never giving it the fair crack it deserves.  And I'm not sure if that's because I haven't got the confidence to keep at it or I'm scared I'll fail on some level.  My gut says to put everything else aside and make it happen.  But can I?

My kids.  My very tolerant, lovable, noisy little rascals.  Why do I do anything I do?  I think that it's for them but somewhere along the way, possibly in people pleasing mode, I missed the boat.  Now that they are both at school I need to get back on board, and start giving back some of the stuff they are needing from me.  Time.

It is possible to be that focused on myself?  To actually try to put me, my family and what I want first?  Do you think anyone gets that?  And if they don't - should I care?

More questions that answers at the moment but I feel like I'm on the right track.  Is this the first step of When I grow up?