Be warned this has a considerable amount of honesty.
So I finally got the bugs from my family. Thanks for sharing. Not so much the cough side of things just the inability to move, wanting to sleep all day, aching body, headache and feeling generally like warmed up poop. Wonderful.
The problem with no energy and a partially functioning brain is that it thinks. It thinks, while the body is decidedly unhappy. And what it thought about was all the stuff that I need to do. Past just the general housework, on to preparing for my working week ahead (yes I do that even when it's something as simple as "looking after children"), getting an idea of meals for the week, thinking about when I can catch up with all the people I need to see - it's on going.
And then I thought. Fuck it. Stop the fricken ride, I want off.
I don't want to think about: where that is, who's clothes need what, whats for tea, whats for lunch, when did I last wash the sheets, when can I plan this, when can I slot this in, who's coming, who's going - WHO FUCKEN CARES.
I'm a good Mum, great wife and I try really hard in everything thing I do. But I'm shattered. My happy face, it's coming unstuck.
Now I'm not sure if it's just that I spent the first part of this week coming off a superb high (Wellington was great for my soul!) and then rushing about dealing with germs and sick people and therefore getting sick myself or that it's just I'm in need of some time off life but whatever it is, it's bloody disheartening.
I am a very organised person. Normally. I like planning things, I like know where things are at. My calender is full of things. But all I want to do right now is sit down and drink cup of tea after cup of tea while reading a book or three. The first alarm bell to my state of mind is there is no wine in this picture. I'm obviously having a mental break down. The second alarm bell is that it will never happen.....there is no (lockable) room that I can hide in to read books and ignore life.
The solution? Fuck knows.
As I type, I can hear the washing I put on, beep at me. The Farmer has gone to do some fencing and I'm not having a go at him. He has been great at looking after me and he's a good help. It's just that I could use another day in bed. I'm feeling better than yesterday but still not well. So I'll crack on and do the things that need doing.
Because who else will do them.
Now I did warn you that there was honesty. And don't think that because I said all this that I'm a nut case...well in fact I probably am, but that was evident before I had my rant. All it means is I'm the same as any other Mum. And to have a vent like this, shares the problem. You might see yourself in this, somewhere. You may understand, sympathize and agree with my train of thought. .
And you may wonder why we are not all raving alcoholics.
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