Doubting Jane

Funny thing doubt.  It creeps in when you least expect it.  A moment of 'the grass looks greener' and all of a sudden you can't see the wood for the trees.

Not sure why but I was awake at 2am.  Comparing myself.  Looks.  Ability.  Status.  The whole fricken lot.  Why?  The only thing I can think of was a pair of shoes I wore yesterday. 

They are cool but actually not really me.  And as I glanced at myself in shop window I wondered why I was wearing them.  Was I trying to look at certain way? 

Finding a sense of style is something I think you always continue to do.  What you might like may not be practical.  It might not be comfortable.  It might look terrible!  But if you think you rock it then run with it. 

So why was I doubting a pair of shoes I brought?  I can't tell you. 

What I can tell you is that I felt really daft wearing them.

And that made me think about all the other things I could be doing wrong.

Am I working hard enough?

Am I doing all the right things as a Mum?  As a wife?

Do I make enough time for others?  For me?!

Well - the answer is yes.  Absolutely.

I have flaws, I'm not always ticking all the boxes and certainly there are things I can do to improve - BUT I believe in myself.   And really that's all that matters.

Feck off Doubt.  You have no place here.

And as for those shoes?  I think they will be retired. 

It's not like I don't have plenty more! ;-)

Hello Blog world!

Wow!  It's been, like, years!

So a friend was thinking of doing a blog and I said I used to have a blog I tell you who I used.....couldn't for the life of me remember so after I finally found it I discovered I was laughing as I re-read a few old posts.

Something have changed.  Others have not!

I still love what I do.  I still try to find the best bits in life by taking a moment.  I'm still a big kid.  But one who is happy in her own skin, likes the way she is and finds joy in being able to laugh at herself. 

Photography is still a bit part of my life.  I can't bring myself to make it a huge priority because I have so many other important things in my life - the Farmer, Master almost 13 and Miss almost 10, Family and friends.

I still look after children - in a different way now.  I'm a part of TimberNook Australasia.  Perhaps I'll talk about that in another post.

Farts are still funny.  Unless they are stinky and are released in my personal space.  Then, not so much.

Life can still be hectic.  But hectic is okay.  Just not all the time.

I am better at saying No. 

I value the importance of filling my bucket with friends and lots of laughter.  Oh and wine.  Wine is good.

I laugh.  Alot.  Mostly at myself.

And I think that writing again could be good for my soul.  So....who knows!  Talk soon x

I can't possibly grow old.

I just can't.  Whats more there are real ligit reasons.

Firstly.  I'm young at heart.  This is a serious condition where you laugh at inappropriate times, giggle at childish things, find hanging out with the kids more fun than some formal situations and still nearly pee myself when talk turns to farts.

Secondly.  I bruise easily.  Truly.  And this is now....so image when I'm like REALLY old I'll be one big bruise.

Thirdly.  I'm clumsy.  You know when your pregnant how you think you can still squeeze pass things and your the size of a bus?  So your forever banging and crashing into things....well I still do that.  In fact just today I took a nick out of leg, blood oozing down my leg was the first I knew about it. 

Other random reasons - I look terrible in grey, walkers make me look fat, I don't like bowls and I'm not into cabbage - and everyone knows old people like cabbage......which (snigger snigger) makes you fart!

So there.

Old age don't bother stopping around here.

It has come to my attention......

...............that I haven't blogged for a good long while.....Thank you MA and KK.

So....it a wee nutshell here's where I'm at.

My Dad has been given the all clear from prostate cancer (insert big WHOOP WHOOP here!)

Christmas has been and gone without too much drama.

Summer holiday has been (and was fantastic), Master 9 and Miss 6 have had birthdays and are now back at school.  Some days I feel a bit sad about this but know for the most part they need to go back to catch up with buddies and learn some more stuff.

The Farmer currently has man-flu and after much nose blowing has returned to work to spread the remaining germs with his work mates.  Other than that he is busy enough with work and the farm.

I am enjoy what I would call a simple life.  I work a couple days a week.  I go walking.  I clean my own house.  I am there in the mornings/afternoons for my kids.  I'm working on catching up on a heap of stuff and so far so good.  I don't feel guilty about my life but do get a bit hacked off when people say "SO what do you DO with yourself".  One could refer back to my  What are you doing with yourself  post to see how much I enjoy these sorts of questions. 

The main difference from when I wrote that, and now, is there is no guilt.  It just irks me that people think that working is the only thing that you need to do to live a good, happy life. 

Boom Boom Basil....this is not the case.

I would say I am happier than ever.  Seriously.  I think that in part comes from exercising (looking after myself), knowing where I'm going, spending time with people whose company I enjoy, making myself available for my children and at the end of the day crossing things off my lists.  Simple right?

So for the rest of 2014?  More of the same please.

And to finish this post.....some wise words from the very sexy Mr Johnny Depp........

What a day!

Two days away from the one of the biggest days in the year for the Master and Miss and I have been on edge, a touchy grumpy, preoccupied and nauseous.

My Dad has prostate cancer and had an operation today to get it removed. 

Thankfully part of the worry is over. 

It's early days to be fair but for me personally I think knowing what Dad is like and worrying about him worrying about the op has been dreadful. 

Then of course there was the actual operation.  Sorry to say but Dad's not a spring chicken (although 67 is the new 57) so there is always going to be a big recovery.....lucky my Mum has such a good bed side manner........

Anyway after getting through today it's onwards and upwards.  I'm looking forward to seeing Dad.....just to make sure he's not giving the nurses a hard time, that he's doing what he's told and well that he's okay and that I love him!  Someone stop me before I start getting all sloppy.

So anyhow this post is for my Dad.  May your recovery be swift and you ready for the next water pistol fight.

 

 xx Love you lots xx

Why a bump to the head was a sign.....

Okay so I'm resting.  And I'm terrible at it.  So this is me bucking my rest, even if it is for 5 mins!

On Monday I whacked my head on a door.  Not my finest hour.  After a trip to the doctor, alot of sleeping, painkillers and rest I thought I was 'back on track' because, to be frank, I had shit to do.

However it wasn't meant to be, back to the Doctor only to be told that it's all part of the ride....3 steps forward, 2 back.....like, literally his words!  Sheesh.  Not what a control freak wants to hear before Christmas.

Seeing as I'm 'resting' I've been thinking.  A bump to the head might be a blessing.  A time to slow down.  There is nothing that can't wait (my tea towel draw for example) and although it pains me to say it my body has enjoyed the rest.  Given I've had no control over my body wanting to sleep, alot, and my head literally aches, I've found myself thinking well I'm pretty organised so lets just run with it.

I know, grown up right?  What next!!?

Anyway there is always someone more worse off than me, and the Dr says I'll be fine for Christmas so that's all good. 

In the mean time, I have date with the couch. 

Stay safe, and watch out for those doors....they can be pesky.

Finding the humour.

Every now and then I will flick back to some of my old blog posts and have a re-read.  Correct me if I'm wrong (people who know me in the real world) but I think that the posts are just like talking to me..... 

I'm a geek.  A bit of a fool (a nice fool that is).  And large percentage of myself is "nerdy pants".  And I'm proud of it. 

But what I noticed about my blog posts is that I'm generally always having a laugh, sometimes a rant but mainly a laugh.

And the ability to be able to laugh should not be under estimated.

The ability to be able to laugh at oneself, well quite frankly is legend.

I like to laugh and if I can make someone else laugh through my failings, experiences, ups downs or sideways then even better.

I almost started another blog on the darker side of me (I think I was having a bout of PMT) but then realised I had nothing to write about.

When it comes to the big picture of life we need to remember that we are only here for just a while.  So you may as well find some humour in the journey.  And while your laughing about it all, make sure you share the love and let someone else know the punchline!

And in case you think I'm talking a load of rubbish.....these guys have a bit to say on the subject:

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A day without laughter is a day wasted - Charlie Chaplin

 

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With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come - Williams Shakespeare

 

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter - E. E. Cummings

 

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Laughter is an instant vacation - Milton Berle

 

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You can't deny laughter, when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair

and stays as long as it wants - Stephen King.

 

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If love is the treasure, laughter is the key - Yakov Smirnoff
 

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Laughing is my kind of exercise! - Jane Redward 

 

And the downs.

Ah yes.  The Downs.

What goes up must ................yep exactly.

So after a wonderful two weeks of friends, fun. memories, laughs, shopping (the good sort), no school lunches, no homework, no 'paid' employment (essentially two weeks of bliss) reality has hit.  Hard.

It's back to lists of jobs to do. 

Planning meals, town trips, organising a bike ride fundraising event (did I not say 'never again'?!!), trying to juggle the needs of the children with school things that are on with the needs of the overworked Farmer while keeping the (new) puppy from a) blowing away in the ridiculous winds we have been having or b) eating my shoes.  And that sentence clearly needs more comas so you can breathe while reading it!

In saying that, I have wrapped the children's Christmas and Birthday presents and am feeling fairly organised in terms of gift buying so that's got to be good news.

I'm back walking again - FANTASTIC......really missed that, and my walking buddies.

I've enjoyed being back at my "paid employment" - it's surprising how much you grow fond of other peoples children!

There are plenty of social plans afoot over the next few weeks for mischief wine drinking catching up with people.

Hmmm so in fact although I was going to have a whinge about the "Downs" it would appear the "Ups" are taking over.

Super good news!

Grateful to be a giver.

I was chatting with a friend and during the course of our conversation I had a bitch and a moan.  My friend turned to me and said...."you know what?  Your a giver, that's the problem."  And shes right, I am. 

However I think even though I'm complaining I'd rather have my problem than be on the other side of the fence.  I read recently 'give more than you take' and I think that's wise.

Even though sometimes you end up feeling like I did, a bit pissed off that once again someone just doesn't get it, that you got the short end of the stick and can't believe how one sided some people are - it's much better for your whole self to be a giver.

And although I'm sounding all mightier than thou I just honest to goodness feel better about who I am.  That can't be a bad thing!

Doing it alone is probably safer.

I had the most awful experience yesterday.

It left me shaken, anxious, overwhelmed and a little cross.

I'm a planner by nature.  I make lists.  I'm tend to do things the same way if they work.  If not I'll make adjustments but sometimes things get so out of whack that they can threaten my very being.

This is what happen yesterday.

My world was upset.  My way - that quiet, organised, calm way was upturned.

And to be fair there was a reason to it.  A good thought gone horribly wrong....never again though.  It's not worth the fall out.

What happened you ask?

Well on a busy Saturday morning my husband, the Farmer, decided he and the children would come with me.........................to do the groceries.

Never again.

The children, well they know how I roll, but the Farmer, as well meaning as he was almost got a clobber around the head with a wine bottle.

He's fine on his own, with a list (ensuring that it is in order of food aisles otherwise he forgets things) but with me, the kids and what seemed to be 90% of the rest of the town, it was a nightmare.

Never ever again.