The lesson I was taught.

If you know me, or have been reading my blog, you'll likely know that I really try to be a good parent.  Supportive, loving, well balanced - and I don't mean a glass of wine in both hands.  I try to be encouraging and help my children learn not only things that are educational but the 'bigr picture' things in life....you know values and stuff.

But often it's hard.

There can be tiredness, tears and whinging.  And that's just me.

However on Friday I was delighted to watch both of them shine at their school assembly.

Miss 5 and a half got a 'Star Student' certificate for helping and being well.....her.  There may have been a weenie tear in my eye....perhaps dust but we will go with a wee tear.

Then Master 8 and a half stood up with two other class mates to read a poem....in front of the whole school.  Go him!  I was so proud!  It's was much later in life before I was confident to do such things.  And at a push I would do it now but not before trying to get out of it.  What made me super proud was he loves his writing so read out his work was pretty special.

Even with all my worries about their education being met, their friends, their teachers, manners, are they being all they can be, I was taught by them (in a very round about way) that in fact they are doing just fine.  Which means I'm doing just fine too.

And I'm proud of them. 

Which surely is the one of the best parts of parenting there can be.

10 things you didn't know about me....

Well I was just feeling a bit random of late and thought I would share my randomness with you - so 10 things you didn't really want to know about me but are going to know by the end of this post.....


1. I believe the sound/word 'Meh' should be added to the dictionary.  The meaning can be a number of things as follows........whatever - can't be arsed - really? - No - Yes - go away - I think so. In fact I think there are possibly more definitions we could come up with.

2. If you have the pleasure of taking a photo of me one of two things will happen.  Possibly my eyes will turn into small slits as I smile and/or laugh.  Or I will end up with multiple chins.  Either option isn't attractive.

3. I still listen to tapes.  On my Walkman.  And it's not because I'm trying to be retro. 

4. I have over 50 necklaces.  Lets not even talk about earrings.

5. My middle name is Elizabeth.  Okay Mum so you know this one already.......

6. Today I was listening to The Little River Band.  On a tape, in my car.  And was singing.  Blame my Dad. 

7. "I like Meat Pies."  In truth I like just about any sort of pie but this is another thing to blame on my Dad.  It's one of those phrases he pulls out randomly, thus I am following suit.

8. Autumn is my favourite season with Spring a close second.

9. I think Johnny Depp is an amazing actor and pretty good looking to boot.  Alright so you know this already but I just wanted to see if you were still reading.

10. I was struggling to think of a 10th thing and Master Eight & half wandered by.  He wanted to know what I was doing.  He offered the final item as "Mum is the best Mum in the World."  Can't argue with that.

And just to clarify I do like other musicians not just The Little River Band.  I'm not a complete crazy lady.  I think.

Life vs Passion. Can there be a winner?

While talking to a dear friend today I discussed what would happen if I gave something the whole 110%.  Do I have the drive for it?  Do I have the passion?  Do I really want to?!!

I'm talking photography here.....I love it.  I love the joy it brings others when I've captured an image of something special.  I love to share.  I get a kick out of it.  I'm never going to be very good at charging for it.  Possibly because I undervalue what my abilities are but perhaps because it's just not who I am. 

I'm not a technical photographer.  I'm more of a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants-make-shit-up-and-hope-it-works" kind a photographer.  And for the most part it (surprisingly) it does work.

The thing that always seems to get in the way for me is, well..... Life. And this is where the whole 'drive/passion' thing comes in.  Probably I could avoid having to do the housework/paid employment/cooking thing if I was THAT passionate about it but I just can't seem to put myself first enough to do so.

And it's not even the home stuff....I'm desperate to get myself back on track, in terms of health and well being, so much so that the photography stuff keeps getting kicked to touch.

Then there is the being available for my kids - I'm trying very hard to help Master Eight and half with his school work, support Miss Five and half and keep the home fires burning.  I'd also like to help the farmer out with farm jobs and around the house stuff AND want to make sure I'm spending time with family and friends.

Enough hours in the day?!?

Hmmmm me thinks not.

But perhaps if i was more driven, more passionate, I would find the time......

Sigh.

In someways I'm not bothered.  I'll keep ticking along as I am.  Happy to be the Wife - Mum - Friend - Daughter - Sister - Aunty that I am.

And I guess when the time is right......well then my passion-hobby-whatever can come first.

Good in theory right!?!

Giving and Taking.

My Mum (and Dad) used to say "you'll get your reward in Heaven" and to a degree I think that's about right.

But sometimes it means that your on the giving end...........alot.  And that means some one else is taking. 

Or just plain taking the piss.

So do you wait for the reward in Heaven?!!  Or do you throw your toys?!

Okay so I'm not good at throwing toys.  I can probably throw a bit of a wobbly (or use swear words in my blog!) but that's about it.....so I guess I'll wait.

I suppose that's just the person I am.  And it sometimes burns (like indigestion) and sometimes I couldn't care less.

It's the way of the world.  The Givers and Takers.  I see the Givers in my friends, and my really good friends are 'cut from the same cloth' as me.   So in my wee world it balances out.

At some point I know that the Takers will find that everyone has had enough.  They have nothing left to give and they will find themselves perhaps regretting their decisions.  Perhaps not.  But at the end of the day I would rather Give.  For the most part it's a good feeling.  I know it's right and yes that reward will wait.  Hopefully for  a very long time.

Ramshackle life

There is no really purpose or direction for today's post.  That's a the beauty of a blog.  "Randomness".  So here we go....

I love my life.  The funny ins and outs, ups and downs. 

The quiet Sunday at home among the days of crazy everyday life.

Things I enjoy may not be the norm.  The way I dance might be a bit crazy.  I'm happy to poke fun at myself and have a good time.  My laugh might be loud but it's real.  I care about whats important to me. 

There are days when the odd comment knocks me from my course.  It makes me doubt myself & my choices.  But having the confidence in my ramshackle life, in the way I do things, for the reasons I do things I can be quietly happy about my lot.

Do we say that we are happy often?  I mean really?!!  There is always something going on.  Not often time to count your blessings.   But for me, today, while the sun is shining, the wind blowing, the kids playing and the house in a general state of disorder I can tell you that I'm happy.

And that's enough for me.

Important things I've learned.

 

I've been compiling this list for a while.   They are just things that strike me as common sense.  

 

Some days I know these things clearly, while other days I'm blinded by emotion; instead of knowing whats right I just feel crumbly on the inside. 

 

Thus recording this for myself.  To remind me!

 

 

Nothing changes, but everything changes.

 

*

 

It's very hard to listen while your talking.

 

*

 

The good deed unseen is more important that all others.

 

*

 

You'll never really see,  if you look the other way.

 

*

 

To be able to understand someone you'll have to get to know them first.

 

*

 

Time is the gift that most valued.

 

*

 

Things don't make you happy, people do.

 

*

 

You can love but not like.

 

*

 

A heartfelt anything will always cheer you up.

 

*

 

Silence doesn't need to be filled.

 

*

 

Loyalty can not be brought, it is earned.

 

*

 

Some friendships are forever and some just fade away.

 

*

 

The beauty of life is hard to see sitting inside.

 

*

 

That your children will watch and learn your values from you. 

 

 

xx Jane xx

 

 

 
 

Whimsical.

Like anything in life blogging is what you make it.

I choose to make it my open book of ups and downs.  Sometimes there will a huge run of downs.  And then nothing.  Which ideally means ups.

Sometimes there is funny.

Sometimes there is sad.

Today is whimsical.  Light.  Fluffy.

I have a free day/night.  The Farmer, little Mr and little Miss have gone away.  One would think that I'd be having a ball, going out, catching up, shopping, lunching.....whatever.

I'm not.

I'm still in my PJ's (it's before 9 so that's kinda okay).  I have washing, tidying, vacuuming and bathrooms to do.

AND my cherubs have shared their cold.  Charmed I'm sure.

I will do the jobs.  I will go to a baby shower.  I will relax.  And I will enjoy the quiet.  But I will miss my family.

Thus the whimsical. 

They drive me potty.  Wind me up.  Stress me out.  Yet make me feel complete.

When they are here, I want the quiet, tidy, clean house that by the end of today I will have.  But when they are gone I miss the noise, laughter, fun.  Especially on weekends where things are more relaxed.

I guess the grass is always greener.

So I will head off now.  To tidy and clean.  But I will also turn the stereo up loud, to recreate the noise of my family, and get amongst it.

And when they come home.  I will hug them and tell them how much I missed them.

Having a wee cry.

As the title suggests I had a wee cry today.

Not for bad reasons.

For entirely good reasons.

I received a lovely email from a dear friend.  She reminded me how cool my kids are.

Now I shouldn't need reminding.  I love my kids.  Would do anything and then some for them.  But sometimes they drive me to despair.

Like for instance when my daughter appears off the school bus with no shoes.....

Me "I hope your shoes are in your bag"
Miss 5 "Yep"
Me "They aren't on the bus?"
Miss 5 "Nup"

Next day - racing to get to into the car...... no shoes.

Thankfully for her she'd left them in the school cloak bay.  Because I so KINDLY reminded her (the entire drive to school) she needs to be RESPONSIBLE for her things, MONEY doesn't grow on trees etc etc etc you get the general idea.

Anyway back to the tears.

So this email reminded me why I will go into bat for my kids, why I try to do my utmost for them and why I love them so very much.  And like I say it wasn't anything I didn't already know.  It was just someone else reminding me.    

And thus I wept.

(Yes I'm a big sooky la la)

What would Johnny Depp do?

There are times in my day where I happen to glance up and see Johnny....................

He has his stare fixed on me....................................

............................................. from the calendar that is.

Awkward (am not a stalker) moment.

And in these across the room moments, usually brought on by an exasperated 'count to ten' time out, a thoughtful reflection, or just day dreaming - that i wonder how would Johnny Depp deal with this?

I mean if his kids are arguing, what would he do?  (Or what would his nanny do?)

If he catches 5 minutes of peace and quiet.....would he clean the windows or read a book?

If his mind wanders.....where does it go?

What would he do if he realises he didn't get anything out for tea?

How about the horror of discovering your down to the bottom of you undie draw because you've been working and haven't done the washing.......Johnny - WHAT WOULD YOU DO? (buy more?!)

I know, I know these are earth shattering questions for a mega celeb but does he ever have to deal with the small stuff? 

And the answer?

Well next time we are chatting, I'll let you know.

"So what are you doing with yourself?"....................

I've been asked three times in the last few days this question.

And I'm struggling to answer.

I finished in home care mid way through last year to take time out.  Problem was I ended up taking on a role (which in a way felt like a full time job!) for the local preschool.  I did relief teaching all the while trying to get a handle on which road I should take.  Should I take on 3 years study to continue early childhood teaching?  Is is what I want to do?

This year, after the main event of my "role" was over, I just wanted time to reassess.  To catch up on my life. 

2 months later and I'm still not there.

And it begs the question.

"So what are you doing with yourself?"

I'm not in "full time" employment.  I work a day and half a week.  I parent help at the school twice  a week.  I clean.  I cook.  I ferry my kids to after school activities.  I do homework with my kids.  I am generally just 'around' for my kids.  Doesn't seem like much when you write it down.

I'm trying to do the best I can for my family and yet that whole statement "So what are you doing with yourself" makes me feel like I sit my arse drinking Pina Coladas and reading trashy mags.  Which, unfortunately, I don't.

In the last few years I have worked very hard juggling balls in the air.  And for the most part did it very well.

This year, I'm not doing it and I feel guilty. 

I'd like to point out it's not guilt from the Farmer.  He is more than happy with the way things are going.  Especially now the lawn is growing and I'm home to mow it!  He knows it's not forever.  He's been encouraging me to look after myself for months now, and I'm very grateful too him for his love and support.  Not everyone is that fortunate to be able to do this.

The guilt is, for the most part, mine.  Something I just need to get over.

But it's from other people too. 

There is a part of our society who believes you should work part or full time, raise a family, have an amazing home, be on every committee available, look fantastic and be a stepford wife.  But it's not realistic. 

What's more........I'm not buying.  Well not anymore.

There is always a cost.  And for me the cost was myself.

I've put on weight.  I'd lost my spark.  I'd lost my patience.  I stopped doing things I really enjoyed.    Time became my enemy.  Burnout?  Possibly.  Tired?  Definitely.  Over it?  For sure.

I'm a more than capable person (possibly what gets me to trouble) and I enjoy being busy and taking things on.  However when your so busy being all things to other people and not yourself you can get into a right pickle.

Thus my life, as it is, right here - right now.  Pickle free.

So, in conclusion, my answer to the next person who asks "So what are you doing with yourself....." wont be to justify what I do, but it will be 'I'm a lady of leisure' with the biggest smile I can muster while biting my tongue.